Disconnect to Connect

The theme I keep seeing arising within myself, and the ones close to me is disconnect to connect. Wanting to be more detached from social media, television, and not be so dependent on a cell phone. To reconnect with the things that makes life worth living. Building real face to face relationships with people we care about, making plans and sticking to them, taking the time to visit a loved one for no reason expect to see how they are. To connect to the things we have lost sight of, the things are parents and grandparents were raised on. Principles, morals and values.

Personally my usage of social media has declines dramatically over the past several months. I started to see what it was, and had done to me. I would be in this amazing space, surrounded by all this light and love from the universe and our beautiful mother; I’d get on Facebook and I could feel it all get sucked away almost instantly. Leaving me feeling icky, and just not in the same way I had come in. Facebook can be a great platform for many beings coming together to share, and spread light and love but most of the time (at least by what I see) it is just another way for hatred and negativity to grow stronger. It is draining, and exhausting so I decided to take it out of my life. If it isn’t serving my highest potential, than I don’t need it.

I do still have a Facebook account, (I kept it for the spiritual group that I am apart of) but now I only check it once a month to see whats in my notifications and move on quickly. It has been quite freeing actually, which isn’t what I expected to get out of this. I no longer feel the need to post or share every aspect of my life with the world. My options are mine, and if I believe that sharing them will help make a difference than I will, otherwise I will keep them to myself. The moments I share on vacations and the photos I take should be kept private, they are beautiful moments that should only be shared with those you love; not posting them to see how many “likes” you get. Remember the days when friends or family would have to come over to see the photos of your wedding, vacation or of your new born child. You’d have coffee or a cup of tea and share stories, making it this whole experience; yes, that is what I want to get back too. That is what we should all get back to, actually enjoying the human experience. Step away from idolizing “famous” people and discussing how you think someone’s new look is this or that, it really makes no difference what you think about them; what matters is how you feel about yourself.

There is many things wrong with the way we live, and the way we have become but we cannot focus solely on that. We must focus on the love that is around us and within us. We must focus on the light that radiates throughout the planet; in all the animals, and in all the plants. We must come together for a common cause if we want change. It brings tears to my eyes to watch so many stand up for what they believe is right, such beauty and power in that.

Take the time to evaluate what excels your growth and your light, and what dims it. Don’t be afraid to let go, or to love from a far, you have to do what is best for yourself before you can help anyone else.

 

Bless it be.

Faye

A page from my journal

Right now I am in a strange place, kind of like I’m in limbo. Slowly moving out of the old, and into the new but as I move I’m stuck in both worlds. Vulnerability is mostly what I feel, the urge of wanting to hide but standing tall anyways. Scared to the death of how exposed I am but finding it freeing and liberating at the same time. The little voice in my head keeps reminding me “Things are not as scary as they seem. Keep going.” I keep using this as as a reminder, and the thing that keeps me pushing forward. There is no time to hide, there is no time to stay in one place, there is only time for courage, bravery and finding my authentic truths. I know that as I transform, I will grow stronger and shine brighter than ever. It’s just while I await the day I blossom, I sit here anxiously, finding comfort in mediation, my dog and my husband. As they already see my scars and wounds and love me despite them. Mediation is where I can center and fall into myself; where I can relive my past so that I may release it. Feeling empty as each piece of hurt and pain leave my body. It will take time to replenish my energy in these spaces.  This is why I am unable to help anyone right now, I am truly in the process of truing into a beautiful butterfly, and right now I am building my cocoon. This is a truly whole new realm for me; I can see myself changing each day. Like there is a loading bar in my head and the update is not yet complete. I am becoming more overcome with love, and annoyed by the negative. I understand now more than ever how much love is all there is and without it, we have nothing. I feel blessed and humbled by all the universe has given to me, and allowed me to experience. What a truly spectacular gift.

Names aren’t simply names

Lately I have noticed how much I dislike my first name, Amanda. I have never really liked my name but it has only been recently where it has bothered me in a way; so much so that I wanted to explore this further.

I have never really given my name another thought that is what I was given so that’s what it is. I have out grown so much in my life and in myself that maybe this is just another extension of that. Amanda just doesn’t seem to fit anymore; this could be due in part to my parents calling me by my middle name, Faye. Amanda is a little girl who is afraid of everything and everyone. A little girl who is filled with heart break, pain, and loss. A girl who is self-destructive, and doesn’t even try to get what she wants because she believes that she deserves nothing. I have out grown all of these old ways of thinking and these ways of merely existing. Faye on the other hand, is a beckon of light and of undying hope. She is a messenger of love, leaving behind her a trail of love everywhere she goes. Faye is not afraid of the unknown but is rather excited by it; for the unknown is where all possibilities lye. She knows that she is worthy of all the love and happiness that the world can offer. Faye is simply a fairy on her way to earning her wings.

I have shed the skin that no longer fits, so why not change my name along with it.

 

Have a wonderful day everyone xoxo

 

 

Brake free

I have started to see things seemingly for the first time; my eyes closed yet wide open. Perhaps it is my change in perspective or just my appreciation for a simple, quiet life but I have noticed something that is very wrong with us. Now when I say “us” I can only speak for the country I live in, America.

I was on Facebook the other day, adding photos to my blog page. I began to scroll and I came across this post about a television show. I began to read the comments, and it was just a bunch of people crying because the show was cancelled. They weren’t satisfied with reasons it was canceled so they began to bring politics into it. I started to make me think, this is what is wrong with us.

We are taught that everything is right or wrong, black or white, anti vs pro that most only see only one side of things, their side. We’ve been brainwashed without even knowing it has been done to us. So blinded by how we are supposed to feel, act and think that we cannot see what has been done to us. Prisoners to the material possessions we cherish so deeply, because without them we are nothing. Prisoners to a way of thinking that just doesn’t work anymore, so afraid to step out of our comfort zone; that to be honest isn’t that comfortable. Prisoners to the television, being told what to buy, what to wear, how you should look. It is all a lie, it is all an illusion.

We have become so divided and hate driven that we can no longer see what we are becoming. We choose not to see the truth, even though it is right in front of us. Using religion and race as an excuse to spread more hate and violence; you are different from us and we cannot allow that. Only attending church to feel better about all the sins you’re guiltily of. Forgetting that the message of religion is to love one another and to be delighted in our differences, and embrace them.

I am ashamed of how we have allowed ourselves to be controlled, manipulated and divided. I am ashamed of what we’ve become. We are capable of so much more than this. So many are afraid of being an induvial that they would much rather be lost of in the crowd. My hope for us is that we turn off the television, get rid of your cell phones and spend time doing something you love. Sit and read a book, work in the garden, get a cup of coffee and sit in the park, take a hike and be surrounded with trees. Spend time being in the present, with the ones you love. These are the memories that will outlast any material possession you have. As you get older you will see how important these moments are, and how much you begin to cherish them.

Take a break from the world, sit in the quiet, and just be simply as you are. We are not robots who are programmed to be a certain way, or are we? We have the ability to be our own person. You don’t have to follow the crowd until you die, brake free. You can be anything you want to be, and you do can do whatever you want to do. Work hard and stay focused. Failing is how you climb the ladder to success, you cannot be great at something until you’ve failed at it. Never give up on your dreams because anything IS possible. Life is simply a matter of perspective.

 

Have a blessed day everyone xoxo

 

 

 

How was your weekend!?

This weekend was packed full of stuff to do, and people to see. On Saturday, my husband and I went to fairy fest. It was our first time going, and I was so excited; so excited in fact that I had a hard time sleeping the night before ( I felt like a little kid waiting for Christmas to come.) It’s a festival where people dress us like fairies, druids or anything really, it in a way reminded me of the renaissance fair. I felt more myself than ever in the outfit I was wearing, I had made a headband just for this occasion which I loved wearing.

It had been raining for days prior to the event so we brought an extra set of shoes to walk in the mud in, I sure am glad we thought ahead. When we got there only four wheel drive vehicles could park in the lot since people were getting stuck. We started walking into the event and all throughout the event there was so much mud it had become unsafe to walk through. They had put straw and some plywood down but they had run out.

As you walked into the event they had a bubble machine throwing out thousands of bubbles, I told my husband “If heaven is a place, it would have bubbles!” He just looked at me shook his head and smiled. Bubbles are magical in large amounts like that, they transform the energy (at least to me anyways.) I saw the lady selling hoops so I made a B line straight to her; I talked to her for a while and picked out a new hoop! I have her card somewhere in my purse; she told me she teaches classes so I am super excited. We walked around and looked at all the shops; most of them were filled with people just trying to get out of the rain. So sadly, I didn’t get to see too much of what they had because of that. I saw my friend there giving readings so we talked to her for a little bit before we left.

As we left the event we noticed that they had stopped letting people in, the field was now not able to have anyone park in it. So people had started to park along the side of the road, and at the bottoms of people’s yards; which resulted in a lot of tickets. They had to cancel the even for Sunday due to the muddy conditions. Which was a shame but I totally understand why they did that.

After we left the festival we had a family cook out at my cousin’s house but I should say I didn’t know how the event would turn out. To my surprise this was one of the nicest get together we have had in a long time. We don’t really see each other much unless someone’s passes away or gets married so it was nice to just talk and visit everyone for no real reason other than us wanting to see each other. We didn’t stay long because we had to let Norm out and it was an hour drive home. It was still very enjoyable.

On Sunday, we volunteered our time to help my friend with her March of Dimes event. It was a decent turn out despite the rainy, windy conditions. The sun did finally show herself toward the end of the event which was a nice treat. It felt good to give back, and help out a friend. I had never volunteered at an event like that before so it was a very pleasant experience. Everything was cleaned up by 3:30 so it wasn’t all day, but by the time 3:30 came around all of us were done for.

So all in all it was a lovely weekend, I got to spend time with all the people I love and cherish. Even if most of my family doesn’t understand me, that’s okay. I still love them regardless.

 

Love Always. XOXO

 

Its just a phase

“It’s just a phase”, this is something my mother used to say to me all the time growing up. It used to bother me that she did not understand me, or the things that I loved.

She started saying this when I was around 17 or 18, when I was a teenager I worked at a hair salon so I was always dying my hair different funky colors, along with crazy styles. Before this I had always had long hair (about mid back length) and I never dyed my hair or done anything with it. Which let me just say, I believe my hair is beautiful naturally, to me it just needed a touch of color. It became of way to express myself and have fun; I mean it is one the easiest ways to transform yourself on the outside.

When I was 18 I didn’t tell my parents and I got my lip pierced.  My friend who went with me was even surprised that I had gone through with it but it was something that I wanted so I did it, no questions asked. I always thought that it was cute, that it added to my face in an elegant way. After getting my lip pierced, I got my first tattoo. It is 3 stars on my right forearm; it’s simple and not much to it. I again did not tell my parents what I was doing; I just did it because I wanted to. When I returned home my mother said “what did you do!?” I showed her, and I don’t remember what she said but soon after that she started to say “it’s just a phase” or “I can’t wait for this phase to pass” which in some way upset me. I felt as if she loved me less because I did what I wanted to my body. When I was about 19 or 20 I started to gauge my ears, again it was something I wanted to do, so I did. Which again she did not understand; the thing is I never asked permission from anyone, I simply did it because I wanted to. No one else’s option mattered to me.

Since then I have had my hair a lot of different colors, and cut a lot of different ways. I have even been called a chameleon because my hair changes so often. I no longer have my lip pierced, which I miss sometimes. But I finally have my ears at a 2 gauge, which I love. When I finally went up from a 4 to a 2 gauge, putting those gauges it felt so right. As if I was always meant to gauge my ears, I finally felt like I was completing myself in ways only I knew how. Since my first tattoo at 18, I have several more, all of which have a meaning and I love.

So here is my message to all of you that get told” it is just a phase” that you will outgrow it and when you do you will hate it. Don’t listen to the people that say those things. Family often judges the harshest because they do not understand, and that it is okay. The things you do they aren’t meant to understand, love them even though they judge you. Love them, so you can love yourself. Trust in yourself, if something touches you in such a profound way you should never let go of that. People will say what they will to make themselves feel better, so they can cope with the change. Do what makes you happy, do what makes you feel complete and do what makes you love yourself because at the end of the day that is all that matters. You have to live with yourself, and you’re the only one that can make yourself happy.

Always come from a place of love, be kind and gentle with yourself and others and it will be always be returned to you.

New Video is Up!

This video is simple and from the heart, and decided not to talk the whole time.

I hope all of you decide to stop the endless cycle of self hate, and unworthiness.

Its time to shine your beauty upon the world

Let your self shine!

I love all of you, my mission is to uplift you & show you its never to late to change

love is always the answer and it lies within all of us.

Be the beautiful being you were meant to be

Thank you everyone, you have inspired my life

YouTube/bohemianexplorer

Instagram/ bohemianexplorerblog   Facebook/ bohemainexplorer

 

Path to healing

Over the past few days I have become increasingly aware of the next step I need to take in my spiritual journey. I knew I wanted to rid myself of old thinking patterns that no longer work for me. Old belief systems that are old and worn out, and that I no longer believe to be true. Basically, getting rid of everything that no longer resonates with me. I need to find myself again, and re align with my highest potential. I knew that in knowing all of this I was on the right path, I just didn’t know how to accomplish the task. So I took to the spiritual group I am in, they are like family to me. I knew that they would understand and give me guidance and advice. Many people commented with their advice but out of all of them, only one resonated with me. She wrote, “You may need to forgive your parents as a child. I am going through the same thing, and that is what I have begun to do.” It’s like a lightbulb went off, that is exactly what I needed to do; I just knew it. I read a couple articles on this topic, and as I read it became clearer and clearer that my inner child was screaming out to me for help.

I went on YouTube to see if they had any meditation videos on this topic, and sure enough they did. I got comfortable, and begun to relax for a few minutes. Once I got settled, I started the video, took some deep breathes and relaxed further. As the mediation progressed I came to this place were all my memories of my childhood, that are linked to her pain, are all stored. I could see all these little clouds of memories, I could hear the echoes of them all around me. Until one of them stood out the most, I don’t know why this one stood out the most. Perhaps because it the newest wound, or it’s the most vivid in my mind. Whatever the reason, I entered this memory. Everything was as I remembered it expect for one part. Instead of me being an adult, I was a child. This is how I see myself when I mediate, when I dream, and when I go to my happy place. I am always a little blonde haired girl, with a white cotton dress, and no shoes. It was at this point that I realized, this is how I still see myself. I still see myself as this little girl that is broken, hurt, and sad. A little girl who just wants to be enough, accepted, and loved. So many people tell me they love me but very few actually show it. As someone who runs off emotions, I want to feel your love, anyone can say it but not everyone can make you feel it.

So here I am in this memory, with myself, I take her hand and tell her “You don’t need to be sad anymore, I am here to protect you and keep you safe. The people that inflected pain upon you shows more about them than you. There is nothing wrong with you, and you no longer need to feel that there is.” I asked her what she needs to do to heal, “I need to forgive everyone that has hurt me. You have forgiven them but I haven’t. I need to, it is time” she replied. I then tell her “You had no control over the situation, there is nothing that you could’ve done.” With a tear running down her cheek, she smiles and says “I know.” “We have control our life now, we choose what happens to us. Which is why we must forgive our parents, we cannot allow them to have control over us any longer.” She then whispers something to me, which I do not remember. I then come out of the mediation and fall right asleep.

Upon waking, I still feel some lingering sadness, which I will feel as deeply as I know how to. I may even have a beautiful release of tears. This pain was created by tears so it only seems fitting that I release it the same way.

Remember we are never really done growing and evolving, we all have traumas and pain we carry with us. Be gentle to one another, spread love, be kind, and smile. There is much beauty to be found in all of us

Release & Live

We only can control what we do, say and feel. The need to control everything must be let go of, release any and all things you cannot control. Feel a weight lifted off your shoulders, be free from it. Take a deep breath and just release.

The power of release is transforming and magical; only aligning ourselves with the things that we resonate with, pure beauty. We only are affected by what we allow to affect us; we do not have to accept all things that are given to us. There are often times I get a headache, and I started to say “This is not mine, I do not accept it.” I say this over and over again and just like magic the headache fades away. We have to be aware of what is our own and what isn’t, think of how much baggage you’re carrying around for someone else. It is so tiring and draining, and it simply weighs you down. You don’t need it; let the baggage of the past go. It’s over, complete and cannot be changed. It is what it is and that is what it shall be. The reasonability of your life is yours and yours alone.

You can make your dreams come true, you can sit around complaining. You can travel and live your life, or you can be a job that you hate. Life is simple; we are the ones that complicate things.

This is your life, go live it.

The devil is good at pretending

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These words right here, they hit me like a pile of bricks. The say everything I have ever wanted to say.

I have been in many relationships but one there’s one stands out among all the rest. This was my first real love, a kind of love I could hold on to. Among all the chaos the world would throw at me that love was there. I thought for a very long time that everything he promised me was all I needed. But like so much of that relationship, it was all dust in the wind. He promised me the world, but never delivered. He promised me change and yet he stayed the same. He promised me a life of love and happiness, and I got lies and anger. It took me two years to see that everything he was selling was an illusion. It took me just as long to see what he was doing to me. The devil has a way of bringing you down without even knowing your down.  Leaving that relationship was the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I was scared I was making the wrong choice, I even later accused of cheating. I even was talked to as if I was the “bad guy.” None of that matter to me, I left because I owed it to myself to leave.

I have been in the presence of the devil many times, and every time I didn’t know until it was too late. The thing with being around the devil is you don’t have to feel, anything. For me, as a person who feels everything, this is amazing. It is so inviting, and easy. To just immerse yourself in nothingness; I loved it. The thing I hadn’t realized is it molds you in its own image. You lose your control, you lose yourself. As much as I enjoy the darkness, I enjoy the light more. That is what has saved me so many times.  I have spent many lifetimes in darkness, and this will not be one them. So I left a relationship that I thought would last forever because it was toxic to me. I left friends that did not aid in my growth and I will continue to leave what doesn’t aid me in my growth. Darkness may tempt me, it may invite me in but I will always choose the light. It is where I belong; it’s who I have become.