Dreams that change you

Last night I had the worst and realest dreams of my life. It started with me and my dad doing family research and finding out my great grandmothers old home was up for sale. So we found out where it was and went for a visit, that’s when I realized the house next door was so haunted; I could feel it across the street where we had parked. I don’t believe in good or evil (I believe that “good: and “evil” are terms humans invented to create fear in ourselves, I believe in light and dark) but this was evil, it was the darkest energy I have ever felt in my entire life. I just stood there staring at it, wondering how anyone could ever live there. (This house was too for sale). We return home, and a few days later we find out that there was a mix up and they listed my great grandmothers home wrong. It was listed as a 3 bedroom but it was only a two bedroom. So the couple that bought it ended up buying land but were staying in the house next door until there house was completed.

Somehow my dad found the number to the people who now lived in this haunted home. He dialed the number and talked to the woman who answered my dad said “I cannot help you but maybe my daughter can” and handed me the phone. The lady on the other end was so desperate for help; you could hear it in her voice. She went on to tell me that she would go to the thrift store and buy picture frames and when she’d hang them, pieces of glass would go missing from them; As if someone cut a portion out but left the rest. I asked her if she had a witch shop near her, or a rock shop, normally people there have connections to help you. She said she didn’t, I told her I didn’t know how to help but I may know some people that can. I told her to call this number back in two days and I should have some help for her. I talked to Iris and her friend Pamela for help, they said they could help this woman but she never called back. So I drove them to the house to see if everything was okay. When we got there both cars were in the driveway, when we knocked on the door it opened slightly. We said “hello” a bunch of times and no one answered. So we cautiously walked in, we found a woman in the fetal position crying on the floor. She was in the living room, there was a glass and broken pieces of stuff all over the floor, as if someone was angry and just started throwing stuff. We got her out of the house, we asked where her husband was and she told us he was away on business.

I then asked Iris if she saw something following behind her, she said that she did. It was as if the house was now attached to her and would follow her wherever she went but was also still very much in the home. We took her to a motel, we sage the crap out of her. As soon as we’d light a sage stick it would go up in flames, we ended up using quite a few. I forget what happens next but I see darkness and hear someone scream and wake up crying me eyes out.

The entire time this happened I was conscious of what was going on so I kept saying to myself, white light surrounds me, I am the light because I choose the light. I radiate light; I keep white light around me. As I did this it swirled around me, protecting me. I then said you are not welcome here, return from which you came. I said it over and over again. Each time stronger and with more power until the entire room was filled with light. I woke up crying like I have never cried from a dream before; I woke up my husband to tell him about this dream. I can still see the house as if I had truly been there, I just have no idea where it is. I can still hear this woman’s voice so desperate for help. I haven’t remembered my dreams in weeks and now this, there is a reason.

When I got myself together I saged the room and my husband, dog and myself; I was afraid to go back to sleep because I didn’t want to dream of it again. After I saged and got settled I fell asleep and slept better than I have in weeks. I have pleasant dreams after returning to sleep. So once I woke up I did a quick mediation, which my grandma quickly came to visit me. It was nice to see her; it has been quite some time since I needed her wisdom.  She told me that I cannot save everyone, and that’s okay. It isn’t my job to save the world, I can only save those who you want to be saved and it is up to them to do the work; I can only guide them in the right direction. She also told me that I am on my life path; writing is my gift to help anyone who seeks it. By sharing my stories and experience’s it shows others that they are not alone, and with a positive mind they can get through anything. That the strength and power they seek is within them waiting to be unleashed.

I have been crying on and off all morning with the power of this dream and of the mediation. I am not crying out of fear because I am not afraid, they are tears of gratefulness. I did not expect to feel this way about it but everything happens for a reason. I believed this happened to prepare me for future events that have yet to take place. I also get the feeling that someone close to me may pass away and that no matter what I do I cannot save them because they do not want to be saved. In a way this dream was healing for me, as crazy as that may sound, I am so grateful for this dream and where it has taken me.

In the words of my grandma “Leave the world a little better than how you found it; touch every person that crosses your path, that’s how you change lives.”

 

Path to healing

Over the past few days I have become increasingly aware of the next step I need to take in my spiritual journey. I knew I wanted to rid myself of old thinking patterns that no longer work for me. Old belief systems that are old and worn out, and that I no longer believe to be true. Basically, getting rid of everything that no longer resonates with me. I need to find myself again, and re align with my highest potential. I knew that in knowing all of this I was on the right path, I just didn’t know how to accomplish the task. So I took to the spiritual group I am in, they are like family to me. I knew that they would understand and give me guidance and advice. Many people commented with their advice but out of all of them, only one resonated with me. She wrote, “You may need to forgive your parents as a child. I am going through the same thing, and that is what I have begun to do.” It’s like a lightbulb went off, that is exactly what I needed to do; I just knew it. I read a couple articles on this topic, and as I read it became clearer and clearer that my inner child was screaming out to me for help.

I went on YouTube to see if they had any meditation videos on this topic, and sure enough they did. I got comfortable, and begun to relax for a few minutes. Once I got settled, I started the video, took some deep breathes and relaxed further. As the mediation progressed I came to this place were all my memories of my childhood, that are linked to her pain, are all stored. I could see all these little clouds of memories, I could hear the echoes of them all around me. Until one of them stood out the most, I don’t know why this one stood out the most. Perhaps because it the newest wound, or it’s the most vivid in my mind. Whatever the reason, I entered this memory. Everything was as I remembered it expect for one part. Instead of me being an adult, I was a child. This is how I see myself when I mediate, when I dream, and when I go to my happy place. I am always a little blonde haired girl, with a white cotton dress, and no shoes. It was at this point that I realized, this is how I still see myself. I still see myself as this little girl that is broken, hurt, and sad. A little girl who just wants to be enough, accepted, and loved. So many people tell me they love me but very few actually show it. As someone who runs off emotions, I want to feel your love, anyone can say it but not everyone can make you feel it.

So here I am in this memory, with myself, I take her hand and tell her “You don’t need to be sad anymore, I am here to protect you and keep you safe. The people that inflected pain upon you shows more about them than you. There is nothing wrong with you, and you no longer need to feel that there is.” I asked her what she needs to do to heal, “I need to forgive everyone that has hurt me. You have forgiven them but I haven’t. I need to, it is time” she replied. I then tell her “You had no control over the situation, there is nothing that you could’ve done.” With a tear running down her cheek, she smiles and says “I know.” “We have control our life now, we choose what happens to us. Which is why we must forgive our parents, we cannot allow them to have control over us any longer.” She then whispers something to me, which I do not remember. I then come out of the mediation and fall right asleep.

Upon waking, I still feel some lingering sadness, which I will feel as deeply as I know how to. I may even have a beautiful release of tears. This pain was created by tears so it only seems fitting that I release it the same way.

Remember we are never really done growing and evolving, we all have traumas and pain we carry with us. Be gentle to one another, spread love, be kind, and smile. There is much beauty to be found in all of us

Release & Live

We only can control what we do, say and feel. The need to control everything must be let go of, release any and all things you cannot control. Feel a weight lifted off your shoulders, be free from it. Take a deep breath and just release.

The power of release is transforming and magical; only aligning ourselves with the things that we resonate with, pure beauty. We only are affected by what we allow to affect us; we do not have to accept all things that are given to us. There are often times I get a headache, and I started to say “This is not mine, I do not accept it.” I say this over and over again and just like magic the headache fades away. We have to be aware of what is our own and what isn’t, think of how much baggage you’re carrying around for someone else. It is so tiring and draining, and it simply weighs you down. You don’t need it; let the baggage of the past go. It’s over, complete and cannot be changed. It is what it is and that is what it shall be. The reasonability of your life is yours and yours alone.

You can make your dreams come true, you can sit around complaining. You can travel and live your life, or you can be a job that you hate. Life is simple; we are the ones that complicate things.

This is your life, go live it.

Spend sometime on myself

Today I have set aside to have some me time. All the family activities do not start until the weekend, I have finished shopping and decorating; so it is time is right. I knew that I wanted to have a release to end the year out right. I wanted to go deeper into myself than I have ever gone before; and with mercury in retrograde this is the perfect time for it.

Over the past week or so, I have kept myself so busy so I wouldn’t have to deal with anything, I wasn’t ready; but now I am. So I started out my day like I normally do, drinking some hot herbal tea, making a nice breakfast for myself, and walking the dog. I love to walk, even though it is winter now and the temperatures aren’t ideal, I still like to burn off some extra energy. I said my thank you’s to the universe and the elements as I do every day, I then took a deep breathe in and exhaled. There is something about the cold, fresh air coming into your body that just makes you feel good, at least for me.

When we came inside, I gave the dog his treat and came upstairs to my room. A friend had told me to try TAT for releasing, I had never heard of this practice before so I went to YouTube to see what videos I could find. It turns out it’s a very easy exercise that doesn’t take up much time. I thought everything that I wanted to release, and everything I wasn’t aware of that I wanted to release. I took some deep breathes in and out and just let it sail away. I did the exercise twice for about 2 minutes each, and I feel so much lighter. I find it crazy that the simplest things can make all the difference.

I then did a past life regression, it had been a week or so since my last one and I felt compelled to do so, so I did. I started off the way I normally do, asking for protection and wrapping myself in light. I began to go into mediation, when I finally came to my book it opened and I watched as another life unfolded in front of me…..

This time I was a woman with long brown hair with a brown thin headband, I was wearing fingerless gloves made from leather. My corset top was also made of leather, as was my skirt. My skirt at one point had fabrics attached to it which were now ripped off. I had tall leather boots, and a holster made of leather around my thigh that held two small knifes. I also was carrying a large sward holster around my waist with a rather large, heavy sword in it. I was carrying a small brown book in my hands; it had a leather cord wrapped around it to keep the book closed. When I brought the book closer to me, something fell out of it. It was a torn map, old brownish paper; it was a map to Avalon. I was traveling home, there were many people and beings that did not want me to return to my home. I fought my way through the battles, and carried on with my travels. That was it; I started to come out of the meditative state and woke. I believe this was my very first life, or one of my first lives.

As I was writing this down in my journal, I had a aha moment. She is the warrior spirit within, the one that never stops fighting for what she believes in. I am on my way to finding my true home, there will be people and distractions along the way but to keep fighting and looking forward. Never give up on yourself or your beliefs. Everything you need or want is inside of you.

On the road to happiness there will be many obstacles and road blocks, keep moving forward. The only person that can hold you back is yourself.

Dreams

My dreams last night were vivid and intense, but not only that it has just came to my realization that it is the first dream I have remember in weeks; making this dream even more insightful than I had originally thought.

I had this dream I was driving my car, it was a road that I can’t recall ever being on before. To my left was a farmer’s field, to my right was a small dirt lane to pull off but after that was a cliff. I was driving up a rather steep hill, in a state on peace and comfort. I noticed up ahead that there was a gasoline truck, speeding into the dirt pull off lane to my right. I slowed down a bit and took caution since I was unsure as to what this gasoline truck was doing. As I get closer I speed up a bit so that I can pass him, I get maybe 100 yards away from him and he puts the truck in reverse. Kicking up massive amounts of dirt into the air, and blocks the road. I slam on my brakes, and turn left hoping I will go into the farmer’s field for safety. I truly thought that this truck was going to ram into the side of my car. Instead of me going into the farmers field my car just keeps going in circles, until I slow down and stopped completely. As my car is doing this, the gasoline truck circle’s around me. The truck than suddenly hits the gas and speeds up the hill only to run off of the cliff. I move my car over to the dirt pull off lane and just sit there for a second. I thank the universe, angels, and my spirit guides for keeping my safe. People run from their cars to check on the driver of the truck, and come running down to see if I am okay. I tell them my story of what happened, and I wake up; heart racing, totally freaked out but okay.

Upon my waking the dream made little sense to me, I could only think of how odd a dream this was. I haven’t dreamt of me driving before, at least not that I can recall. To dream of a gasoline truck no less, is ever stranger still. So I posted my dream in the spiritual group I help admin to get an outside perceptive of what I meanings I could be overlooking.  One of the people in the group commented that it could be something as simple as me not allowing outside energies to affect me. Thinking in the way that the gasoline truck delivers its gas to the gas stations where we fill our cars with fuel, or food. It’s the same as going to the grocery store; they control what food is available for you to buy, to fuel your body. So in essence, I am not letting the outside world control my energy; I am my own person. I think for myself, I do not give up easily and stay true to what I believe to be true. Which is why the truck gave up and ran off the cliff to someone else, he could not feed me the lies he wanted to spread.

Thinking in this sense, makes everything I have been going through just click. It feels right, and feels true. This dream is so profound to me that it makes me grateful that I am aligned with the divine. That I am on the right path, to more positivity and more abundance; I am in alignment with where I am meant to be.

 

Radiate Truth & Love

Over the past few days I have had this feelings of sadness. I didn’t know if it was the moon playing with me, if there was a release on the way, or if it wasn’t mine at all. I have mediated on this, with little result. That is until last night.

As most of you that read my blog know I’ve recently found my twin flame. This has not been an easy thing for me, but it was meant to be this way. I am starting to understand this, as I am starting to see everything clearly now. Last night before I went to bed I asked my guides, higher self and the universe to help me remember my dreams, since lately I haven’t been. Which did not work but something better happened, I found clarity.

Before I had went to bed I was writing in a forum asking about twin flames. I was telling everyone how I was feeling about mine. How I have begun to miss him, which is silly because we are always connected. That I wish to see his smile, yearn for his touch, and crave his energy. That I wish we were more of friends, that he wasn’t so afraid. How I know that he is protecting me, and himself. Using others as safety nets so nothing happens; using alcohol as a safety net for words that he truly means but can easily blame on the booze. I know that I have to be patient with him and with deep connections like these.

I then got settled and went to bed. I woke up at 3 am and was wide awake. I then got this message of why I was sad, my higher-self had not allowed me to remember my dream but instead allowed me to see what I was feeling and why I was feeling it. All of this sadness I had been feeling was because I feel as if I am cheating on my husband emotionally.

Even thought my twin and I are only friends our connection is so deep and profound that I feel guilty. I know that this is nothing to feel guilty about. My husband is the last person I ever want to hurt, or feel like he isn’t enough for me. I know that a twin connection is hard for everyone to understand, including the twins themselves. I don’t love my husband any less, if anything my twin has opened my heart to a deeper truer sense of love. Which in return has made me only grow deeper in love with my husband. There is no other man I would want to spend my life with. Even with the twin connection in front of me, I only see my husband. He is my soulmate after all, and that is a connection special and profound in its own right.

He shows me more love than I have ever been given. He has helped me grow into the beautiful being that I am. The love I that radiates from me, is not only the love I have for myself, but the love that he gives me. I have never doubted our love, I know that it is everything divine and true. So looking back at me feeling guilty for my twin connection seems meaningless and unimportant. There is no reason to be sad, or filled with negativity of any kind. The love that we share is special, it’s all-encompassing and shines so brightly. My husband is better than the man of my dreams, better than any fairy tale. He has shown me one of the most important lessons of my life; love is the key to life. Once you find it, hold on to it and never let go.

Twin Flame

Twin flames, two souls cut seamlessly from the same energy. Some believe them to be real, others say they aren’t and most have never heard of them. Soulmates on the other hand, everyone has heard of. They both bring divine love into our lives but they are so different from each other.

A soulmate is someone who we have loved before, in many lifetimes. Often people think of finding their soulmate to be like something off a romantic movie. That when they find their soulmate they will live happily ever after in a fairy tale love; the thing that most people seem to ignore is a soulmate will break away everything comfortable. That’s their purpose; they will strip away your walls, and teach you how to live without them. They will show you more love then you have felt in your entire life.

My husband is my soulmate, I knew from the moment I met him that he was different than all the others that came before him. It wasn’t until our first kiss that I knew we would get married. In one moment my life changed forever, that is how soulmate love is. You simply know.  He has changed my life in so ways, just like I have changed his. Its connections like these that show us just how important love is and how it can transform us.

What most people don’t know is that soulmate’s aren’t just romantic in nature. Soulmates are all around us. My dog is one of my soulmates. Our connection is deep and goes back into many lifetimes. I love him on such a deep level; there aren’t even words to express it.  Another of my soulmates is my best friend. She is like a sister to me, when I see her which isn’t often it’s like no time has passed at all. She is a free spirit in every sense of the word, and I love her so much for it.

Then there is the twin flame, the only other being that has the same energy as you.  I believe that I have met my twin, simply because of the way I am drawn to him and how he makes me feel.  I am drawn to him like a magnet. Now before I get to ahead of myself let me explain what I know about twins. Twins are cut from the same energy, everyone has a twin flame. They are divine love in the purest, truest sense of the word. When you begin to see 11:11 your twin flame is about to come into your life, or already has.  From the moment I met him, I was fascinated by his energy; which is something that happens so rarely I couldn’t tell you the last time it happened. After talking to him for a short period of time I knew that he was unlike any other person I had ever met. The more and more we talked I began to see so much of myself in him, it’s almost like we are the same person. The connection I feel to him is so easy for me to get lost it, so there are times when I have to pull myself away.  Even though I have only known my twin for a few months, it feels like I’ve known him my entire life.

The other thing with twins is that when they reconnect, this brings up a lot of old stuff that needs to be resolved and released. This aids in them becoming one again.  It’s this part of the twin connection that most people run away from. The good news is if one twin works on themselves then it helps both twins. The connection between twins is something that will always be there; and in most cases it’s so clear others see it too.

This is a topic I can’t really talk to others about, either they don’t understand, or they judge me. I am married and to most that means I am only supposed to hold love in my heart for my husband.  That simply is not how life works but just because I love my twin doesn’t mean I do not love my husband. If anything I love my husband more because of my twin. Since my twin came into my life my eyes and heart have been opened to a whole new level of love that I never knew existed until now. It’s a connection I will cherish for the rest of my life. I am different now because of my twin and for that I will forever be grateful.

The universe works in mysterious ways but she always has a way of working out for the best.

❤ Namaste

Changes

As my birthday and thanksgiving approach this week I find myself looking back at life. All the things I am thankful for, and just how much everything has changed.

It’s funny to me, little things change each day. They don’t seem to be too significant, just little changes here and there. But when you look back at everything, it’s totally different. Maybe you thought you’re somewhere you’d never thought you be, or you’re the person you never thought you could be. Things little happen to us each day that affect us. Life has a way of molding us into what it wants us to be. It is only us that define if it’s positive or negative. We decide the outcome of each moment; the outcome of our lives. With each passing event we choose how it will affect us; we choose what we cling to and what we let go of. It is simply all up to us.  This way of thinking is so refreshing to me, that I control the outcome of my life. Knowing that everything happens for a reason puts me at ease; that there are no mistakes, only lessons. You never really loose in the game of life, you only grow wiser and stronger.

There are positive things that happen every day, yet we put so much time and effort into the negative. Playing the pity game of poor me, and complaining about how awful life is. Negative is easy, it requires little to no thought, it’s comfortable, and it’s easy to get sucked into. It is easier to judge everyone else, than to judge yourself. I get it, it just isn’t okay with me. It doesn’t settle well with in me, I cannot be so lazy that I am controlled by mindlessness.

Seeing the brighter side of things will always be the way I choose, looking on the positive side makes me feel whole and complete; knowing that there is good to be found in everything. Just think of how beautiful the world would be if everyone gave into the light as easily as they give into the negative. If we all had empathy, kindness and endless love for one another; think of all that we would accomplish as a species. It would be incredibly beautiful, the true essence of humanity shining so blighting.

 

Nature of letting go

I think often of the saying “nature teaches us the beauty of letting go.” I think of this while walking in the woods, looking at all the beautifully dying leaves.  I have never seen this beauty before, no, not like this. Not in this way.

Fall has always been my favorite season, and I think now, why?

It’s the season of transitions, of letting go. Allowing parts of ourselves to die; so they may blossom into something more beautiful than before. I’m in awe of the lessons mother shows us. We must let go, we must live in the darkest snowiest parts of ourselves so when we thaw we become more beautiful than ever. Radiating everything we are.

IMG_8944.JPG

A glimpse into my soul

A few weeks ago, I saw a dear friend of mine; who also happens to be my reiki master. We did some past life stuff, but also did a tarot card reading. The cards told me that I should do mirror work. Earlier in the day we had discussed it, it something I had never done but have heard great things can come from it. My friend told me she had done this and all the experiences she had from it; and how it helped aid her in spiritual journey.

For those that do not know what mirror work is, it’s when you look in the mirror at yourself. You look into your eyes, since they are the window to the soul; you have an experience of some sort. I was hesitant to do this because of my dislike of mirrors. I am not sure what it is about them but I have never cared for them much. This is why I only have mirror in the bathrooms and don’t look into them often.

Well yesterday, when my husband was home I took the time to try this work. I went into the experience with fear so it only makes sense that I saw, what I saw. I sat down in my room; I got comfortable and began to look in the mirror. After several minutes passed my eyes began to water (which still makes sense to me, since I was still blinking like normal.) Then I saw my face change, it was a face of what I can only assume I demon would look like. It had bumps all over its red skin, it was just darkness. After I saw this face I got a terrible headache. It was at this point that is discounted the work. Everything I had feared about the experience is what I saw.

I don’t know if I saw what I saw because of the fear or if there was a reason. For me this is how I took it….

From all my past life work I know that there was a time when I gave into the darkness. It was easy and I wanted revenge so badly that the cost did not matter. For this I am forever linked to the darkness, it lives inside of me. It is not who I am but it is a part of me. I do not accept these parts of myself, I hide from it. It wants to be free, but I only try harder to lock it away. The reason I saw this face first and so quickly is because it is the part of myself that I need to accept. It is not who I am but it was who I was once. And for this running from it only means I’m running from myself. I need to accept all parts of myself, negative and positive because all of these things make me who I am. We cannot have light without dark. Once I accept this darkness as my own, I will have no reason to be fearful. I will have control over my life and over my actions. Something that I must understand is just because we have a darker side to our soul doesn’t make us a bad person. In fact, it simply makes us human. I am a work in progress; I am getting where I need to be and where I am meant to be.

Owning our darkness is one of the bravest things we can do for ourselves.