We are all connected

I know it isn’t often that I share from my journal but this, this is just too perfect not to share…..

“….There are so many times I see my spirit wolf, Sheba. In my dreams she shows me the freedom I once had, when I too was a wolf. It is in her that I learned the power of the dark. How, if you let it, it can totally transform every ounce of your being. It is in the darkness where you find your strength, courage, wisdom, growth and truth. This is nothing to fear, but to be embraced. We cannot have darkness without light, for the darkness is where we find our light; it’s where we find ourselves.

This reminds me of the shadow self because the shadow is too associated with darkness. We put all the bits of ourselves that we deem unacceptable, and push them down and ignore them until they ultimately take on a life of their own. We must align with our darkness and use it is a source of power rather than a source of weakness.

I have found the realist, truest parts of myself that where hidden in the dark. It wasn’t until I found these buried treasures that I began to love myself; to reach a state of love that I didn’t even know existed. I cannot be half of anything, it is all or nothing. I am no longer willing to be half of myself to make someone else comfortable, I am who I am for better or worse. Take me as I am or leave me as I am, either way I am still me and I am still happy.

I know that everyone is not going to like me, or like the things I say. I know that I will always be “too much” for some people, and that is okay, but for those that I do connect with, they only enrich my life, and surround me with more love. I know that I am a deep woman, and that most men and even some woman are intimidated by this, and that is okay too. I live my life for myself, and no one else. I have always put my needs above everything else, to some this may seem selfish, but I call it self-care. If I am not happy, I cannot make another happy.  There are even days when I am more wolf than woman. Times when I want to howl at the moon, and run free in the woods. Other times, I am perfectly happy being the strong, beautiful, powerful, sexy woman that I am.

My point is we are all connected, we are all one. The love, kindness and compassion you give to another will spread and grow. Find yourself, all of yourself. Love that person, because you deserve the love you so freely give to others. Once you become a beacon of light and love, you will want nothing more but to help another. We all have times where we stray too far from our path, we all need picked up from time to time.

 

Be someone’s beacon of hope, of love, and of compassion.

Spread love and kindness everywhere you go,

& it will ALWAYS find it way back to you.

Put love into everything you do,

& you will never be unhappy.

 

Because love can move mountains

Love can heal even the deepest of wounds.

 

Love makes everything possible

And without it we have nothing.”

 

xo

 

Take on depression

What is depression, really!? Why are so many affected by it; there is a reason why it’s the top leading illness in the world but why?

By ignoring our soul’s purpose, we are killing our spirits. By staying in places that aren’t meant for us or with people who bring us no joy, we are killing our spirits. We aren’t always meant to be where we want to be and it can be difficult to let go; but its’ killing us.

By living a lie, and being a fake version of ourselves, we are killing our spirits. When you live a life that isn’t true to you, you can never find true happiness. You may find little blips of happiness here and there but it never stays and it never lasts long. The blips are simply there to show you how your life could be, if you could see that you hold the key to your happiness.

Instead we rely on alcohol, drugs and passions of the flesh to take us out of our misery. Hoping for just a moment the pain will stop, forgetting all your worries and letting it all melt away. All the while not seeing that we then depend of the things that bring us relief because it is the only way we know how to cope. Walking around like zombies hopped up on drugs that do more harm than good. Depression is simply a soul sickness. Once you address that cause of the sickness it will all go away, just like that.

You have to find yourself, live the life that you want to live. Come out of the closet, quit that job you hate, clear out your friends list, over haul your life. Clear out the clutter, the noise, and the negativity energy that has been keeping you down. This is YOUR life take control of it. Stop listening to that voice in your head, it is a liar! Every time a negative thought comes to mind, quickly switch to a positive one. It won’t be easy, but don’t give up!

Love yourself, find a place within you that you can find comfort and a home. Forgive yourself for the things you have and haven’t done, it’s time to move forward. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re a work in progress. Once you start to love who you are, everyone will notice it. People beaming the same energy as you will be attracted to you and you to them. What you seek is always seeking you. So why not seek out that loving positive energy.

So within, so without. How you feel about yourself will always become your reality. Everyone you meet has something to teach you, we are all here to learn from each other. Our friends, and lovers are all a reflection of ourselves; they act like mirrors. If you don’t like what you see, then you can always change it. You are only a prisoner to this live if you choose to be. Brake free, you hold the key!

Find your passions, find your purpose. Having a life of meaning and purpose is the easiest way to find happiness. Nurture your soul and spirit, show yourself love and kindness; and watch your life transform before your eyes. Just allow yourself to be in the present, get out of the past it holds you back and get out of the future, it hasn’t happened yet.

Depression is only a state of being, it is only permeant if you allow it to be. You are much more worthy and beautiful then you even realize. Anything is possible when you believe. Take action to change; put in the work, and you will find your way.

 

xoxo

Its just a phase

“It’s just a phase”, this is something my mother used to say to me all the time growing up. It used to bother me that she did not understand me, or the things that I loved.

She started saying this when I was around 17 or 18, when I was a teenager I worked at a hair salon so I was always dying my hair different funky colors, along with crazy styles. Before this I had always had long hair (about mid back length) and I never dyed my hair or done anything with it. Which let me just say, I believe my hair is beautiful naturally, to me it just needed a touch of color. It became of way to express myself and have fun; I mean it is one the easiest ways to transform yourself on the outside.

When I was 18 I didn’t tell my parents and I got my lip pierced.  My friend who went with me was even surprised that I had gone through with it but it was something that I wanted so I did it, no questions asked. I always thought that it was cute, that it added to my face in an elegant way. After getting my lip pierced, I got my first tattoo. It is 3 stars on my right forearm; it’s simple and not much to it. I again did not tell my parents what I was doing; I just did it because I wanted to. When I returned home my mother said “what did you do!?” I showed her, and I don’t remember what she said but soon after that she started to say “it’s just a phase” or “I can’t wait for this phase to pass” which in some way upset me. I felt as if she loved me less because I did what I wanted to my body. When I was about 19 or 20 I started to gauge my ears, again it was something I wanted to do, so I did. Which again she did not understand; the thing is I never asked permission from anyone, I simply did it because I wanted to. No one else’s option mattered to me.

Since then I have had my hair a lot of different colors, and cut a lot of different ways. I have even been called a chameleon because my hair changes so often. I no longer have my lip pierced, which I miss sometimes. But I finally have my ears at a 2 gauge, which I love. When I finally went up from a 4 to a 2 gauge, putting those gauges it felt so right. As if I was always meant to gauge my ears, I finally felt like I was completing myself in ways only I knew how. Since my first tattoo at 18, I have several more, all of which have a meaning and I love.

So here is my message to all of you that get told” it is just a phase” that you will outgrow it and when you do you will hate it. Don’t listen to the people that say those things. Family often judges the harshest because they do not understand, and that it is okay. The things you do they aren’t meant to understand, love them even though they judge you. Love them, so you can love yourself. Trust in yourself, if something touches you in such a profound way you should never let go of that. People will say what they will to make themselves feel better, so they can cope with the change. Do what makes you happy, do what makes you feel complete and do what makes you love yourself because at the end of the day that is all that matters. You have to live with yourself, and you’re the only one that can make yourself happy.

Always come from a place of love, be kind and gentle with yourself and others and it will be always be returned to you.

New Video is Up!

This video is simple and from the heart, and decided not to talk the whole time.

I hope all of you decide to stop the endless cycle of self hate, and unworthiness.

Its time to shine your beauty upon the world

Let your self shine!

I love all of you, my mission is to uplift you & show you its never to late to change

love is always the answer and it lies within all of us.

Be the beautiful being you were meant to be

Thank you everyone, you have inspired my life

YouTube/bohemianexplorer

Instagram/ bohemianexplorerblog   Facebook/ bohemainexplorer

 

Words cut deep

With the super moon over the weekend my energy has been crazy. I know the moon is bringing with it new beginnings and a release, and I am definitely feelings the effects of it. No matter how much work you do on yourself somethings affect you so deeply that the scares they left behind still remain. You think that you have worked passed it, and released all that is associated with it and yet, years later it reemerges to your surprise. This is where I am at currently.

In my late teens I found myself in a bad place, surrounded with people that didn’t care about me. I didn’t care about myself either then; I was just looking for an escape from all the pain I was feeling. I was being mentally abused, told things that no one should come to hear, and let alone believe. I really don’t even know what I was looking for, or who I was looking for. I was so lost, and sad.

One ex-boyfriend would tell me on a daily basis that he cheated on me because I was not worthy of love, and so ugly that no one would ever love me. That I should be happy he is sticking around because he can do better. These words cut me so deeply that it only made things worse but I still stayed with him. Looking back on it now, I don’t even know why I stayed. My guess would be that he was a damaged soul in need of saving, and it was my job to do that. I used to believe I could save the world and everyone in it. Now I believe that we can only change ourselves and our world.

What most people don’t understand is how deeply words can affect someone. Words are not just words, they are knifes that cut so deep the wound never fully heals. Words can lift someone up, or rip someone down. There is a lot of power in the words we say, more power then we give it credit for.

I thought that even though this was close to 10 or so years ago I had healed from it. I had thanked all of those who had hurt me for the lessons they taught me. I released so much, crying until I had no tears left to cry; forgiving so that I could heal and yet the scar remains. That’s the thing about words; they creep into your soul and into your mind. Not giving them another thought at the time meanwhile they are nesting themselves into the fiber of your being. So that they can surface later, sometimes surfacing so often that you begin to believe them; thinking they are your truth. It wipes away every ounce of self-esteem, self-love, and self-worth you ever had; leaving only charred remains of a person left.

I have been in a loving relationship with my husband for 4 years; I know that he loves me without a doubt. Yet, the voices from lovers past tell me their lies. Trying to infect every relationship I ever have. I know have the strength to ignore them and turn their volume down. There are still things I struggle with but I am healing and moving past the pain of the past a little each day. My hope is that one day their voices will fade away and never return. I no longer believe their lies, and that is how I will defeat them. I know my worth and will settle for nothing less. I have found a love within myself for myself that I never knew existed. A strong woman will always threaten a weak man but a strong woman will always compliment a strong man.