Live life, don’t hold back

Let yourself shine, this is such a beautiful sentiment. So beautiful in fact, I have it tattooed on my forearm to remind me every day. So many of doubt ourselves, rate ourselves and think we overall aren’t good enough.  I know that I do this all time, I have been writing for my entire life and just recently started to share my words with everyone. I would always hide myself and thoughts away thinking the things I had to offer weren’t good enough. I have been thinking lately, why do we do this to ourselves? The answer I have come to is that we are so afraid of being rejected; we want to fit in, and be accepted. Our fear of rejection runs so deep that for most of us it rules us. It decides who we date, what we do, what we wear and how we act. Why do we give fear so much power? Even I don’t know the answer to this question.

I know for myself the things I write are my purest, truest parts of me. Sharing them with all of you is really terrifying. I know that the things I write are not ordinary, they are deep and meaningful. I go through this world making choices solely on the way something makes me feel. I feel everything so deeply that is a blessing and curse.  I have gotten to the point in my life where I knew it was time, time to break down my walls and share my thoughts. I want to help inspire all of you to find the beauty and the truth that’s inside of you. I want to show all of you that finding your true self and letting it shine is the best way, the only way we should live this life. There are still times where I doubt myself; I fall back into old ways of thinking. I quickly have to pull my mind out of that slump and go do something that makes me happy. I am still working on showing new people the real me and not being shy. I like to observe people so it is hard for me. I am also not the best at making friends when first meeting someone but I’m getting there. I just find the whole thing awkward and weird. It isn’t until I find common ground with someone that I can start to open up and get to know the real person.

Don’t hold yourself back, don’t hide. It’s the only way you can truly waste this life. Embrace all of your weirdness and uniqueness. That is what makes you so beautiful. Forget what people think or say, the life you live is only for you. As long as you’re happy with the choices you make then you’ve done all you need to do. Be proud of the things you love, of the things that makes the fire inside of you come alive. Be proud of the things you create, and who you are. Live life, don’t hold back. Show the world how fierce you are with all the love you radiate.

We all have bad days

People often think that just because I am a spiritual being,  means I never have bad days. Being a spiritual being you experience a lot of crummy, negative days. The only way to clear out the negative is to feel it, and then release it. So yes, there are days were I don’t feel like dealing with people, so I don’t leave my house. There are times when I lose my cool, there are times when I am sad and depressed. The difference I guess would be that I don’t let the negative settle in. I know that the negative is just a passing storm in a sea of beautiful white light. Nothing is permeate not even the rain. I am human, I just do my best to say “okay! Enough is enough! I am sick of being down in the dumps! I am going get up and be happy! I am going to listen to music I love, wear things I love and create things I love! I am alive and I am beautiful!”

Life is all about mindset, if you sit around complaining about your life; then you’re simply reminding yourself to be negative. Instead of complaining, complement yourself. Share words of positivity with yourself and you will change your mindset. It may take time but you will start to believe. You are beautiful, amazing, and a goddess.  Never forget that.

Find yourself

Unleash your inner goddess, your inner fire and your inner truths. Care more about your options of yourself then the options of others. Find what makes you, you and let yourself shine. Leave behind the traps and lies cement cities have been telling you. Take a walk in the mountain’s, let the cool air dance across your face and messy up your hair. Take deep breathe of the crisp fresh air, let it cleanse your soul. Take in the beauty of the changing leaves, allow yourself to become one with mother earth. Connect to her, feel all the love she has for you. Let it engulf every ounce of your being. Inhale love and exhale hate. Talk with the trees, the wisdom they hold is far greater than our own. Our mother does not need us but we very much need her. She teaches us to be strong, and to endure all. She will be ruthless at times but what mother isn’t. If you love and respect her, she will return it to you. We are meant to live beside her, with her. Nature is our true home, the place where we belong. Take time to find mother it is where you will find yourself.

Energy

The energy around me has been different lately. I am unsure what is causing this shift in energy; I thought it could be the shifting seasons. Or it could simply be me, my energy is changing. I know that my spirit is growing and evolving. Along with this shift in energy I feel as if a piece of myself is missing. I am unsure of where it has gone or what this piece is. I do think that this could have been a part of myself that I never wanted before but now that I do I don’t know how to find it. We often give away little pieces of ourselves to others, not knowing that one day will want all of these pieces back. We build walls to keep others out, we build cages around our hearts locking them away from everyone, when we do this we lock ourselves out as well. Hiding ourselves away is easier than putting ourselves out there. In hiding there is no rejection but in hiding there is no living.

I have been so tired lately, even though I am sleeping at night my dreams have become so active that I am not resting. My dreams are like watching home movies, looking back at the memories to remember. I am supposed to remember something, what that is exactly I am unsure. I do not remember the details of my dreams, only that they are memories and they hold great importance. I had a dream two nights ago that I got a message on facebook and had a conversation with someone. I woke up thinking that was weird, that is all I remember from my dream. How can this be useful at all? I checked my phone and sure enough there was a message from facebook waiting for me. Things like this have been happening to more and more lately. Often times it happens with the phone. I will hear it ring before it dose or know who is calling before I look at the caller id. All of which I think is strange until my experience is validated by it being reality.

In the past few weeks I’ve been seeing 11:11, 1:11, 2:22, and 5:55 almost every day. It seems when I have the urge to see what time it is, it is often one of these numbers. Whenever I do see them I smile and thank the universe and the angels for their messages to me. They too validate that I am on the right path and on to manifesting new beginnings. It is always a good feeling to know that you’re on the right path, especially when you take a leap of faith and are unsure of the outcome. When I quit a job that I hated I saw these numbers and they pushed me through. Then they stopped, and now that they have started again I know they will push me through the hard times so I can get to the wonderful times.

How is everyone else feeling?? Just remember keep your head up and never stop loving. Smile, let the beauty within radiate outward.

Sisterly Love

Many of have siblings, I am no expectation. My sister is 4 years older than me. Due to situations that were beyond our control I did not grow up with her in my life full time. I would see her on the weekends, but we did not really have that tight sisterly bond.

I basically grew up as an only child, I didn’t have to share anything and got mostly what I wanted and I was totally okay with it. I guess when I was younger it didn’t bother me that I didn’t live with my sister, I didn’t even really think about it. I would see her on the weekends, or at family outings but that is as far as it went. She felt more like extended family you don’t see or really talk to unless someone gets married.

As we got older, we started to talk more but I don’t believe the timing was right and we grew apart once more. There were too many unsaid things from the past that I couldn’t work. Having a tight bond with her is something that I wanted but as a teenager and even in my early 20’s I put little effort into it.

Recently we have reconnected once more, this time I feel that everything is falling into the place the way it was always meant to. We are both in a better place in our own lives that we can come together; helping, supporting and respect each other. We have released the old air of the past, and now have the possibilities for an amazing relationship to blossom. I have never known what it’s like to share a bond with a sister before, to truly feel connected. For the first time in my life I feel this way about her and it feels wonderful. Perhaps we were only meant to come together when we were older. We had to live separate lives to learn lessons we could not teach each other. Everything happens for a reason, I truly believe that. I am just over joyed that I have found another soulmate of mine; I have found only one other I share a deep soul connection with. My sister is another, we have spent many lives together it’s something old and deep. I have never been more proud and excited to say that she is my sister. For her to be a part of my life and me a part of hers; it makes me sad that she lives many states away.

If you have a sibling(s) that you have lost connection with call them, reconnect. Forgive yourself and the situation. We choose to hang on to things, if you just let go you will be find life is more enjoyable. Don’t waste time holding a grudge, you are only hurting yourself.  Life is more important than that. Love comes from within, let it shine so brightly that’s all everyone sees.

Set goals

I am not one to go to the gym for hours, or eat plain chicken just to maintain a certain look or fitness level. I am someone who loves food, there is nothing like eating your favorite meal. While I’m not over weight, I want to improve my strength and endurance. Since I got married last year, I have gained back most of the weight I had lost to fit into my dress.

When I went dress shopping for a wedding dress I found one in a size 16 which was a little small. I loved the dress so much that I made a vow to myself to lose the weight and fit into that dress. The woman that worked at the dress shop told me that just about everyone says that but most don’t lose the weight, they actually gain some. So to everyone’s surprise even my own, I lost 40 pounds and actually had to get the dress taken in quite a few times. I was so proud with myself, I had followed through with my plan and exceeded my goal.

Over the past year the weight has creeped back. I haven’t gained it all back but I am determined to lose it and get back down to my wedding weight.  I feel like weight is such a sensitive topic, there are so many expectations for woman to look a certain way. Which I don’t vibe with, as long as you are happy and comfortable in your skin then that is all that matters.

I’ve never cared for the gym setting, no matter what gym I join I feel like everyone is judging you. At one gym in particular I have actually witnessed this. This concept makes no sense to me, a gym is a place where transformations take place. It should be a judgement free zone, you should help others who are just beginning their fitness journey. Not belittle them and make them never want to come back again. We all start somewhere, lend a helpful and encouraging hand.

So today I went to a fitness class, I was hesitant at first but went anyways. It was a 30/30 class, 30 minutes of cardio and 30 of mat time. Going in I didn’t know what to expect, I take walks with my dog, go for hikes and ride bikes occasionally but other than that I am not active. The first part was showing up, and the rest I pushed through. There was a time half way through the class were I thought I was going to be sick, or pass out. I kept going, only my mind can hold me back. My body is capable of a lot more than I even know. By the end of the class I was completely soaked in sweat, I wanted to cry and just lay there but I did it. I finished the hardest work out of my life and I didn’t die. I have been completely exhausted since then but I’m so proud of myself that it doesn’t even matter.

When you set out to change your life, push yourself to the limits. See how far you end up going, I’m sure you will surprise even yourself. Don’t listen to the voice in your head that says you can’t, you can do anything you put your mind to. I am proof of that. Set a goal, and exceed it. Give yourself a reason to be proud of yourself.

Rally Cross

Last weekend my husband and I attended a rally cross event. It was my first time attending, I brought my camera, and took photos.Going in I didn’t know what to expect, cars are not my thing and neither is watching them race around all day.

I kept an open mind going into it, thinking something new could be fun and if nothing else I get to spend the day with my honey.  After and eventful car drive (there was a moth in the car to which I overrated and acted like a crazy person) we had arrived. The day was absolutely stunning; the sky was so blue. It was low 70’s with a cool crisp breeze, just perfect. I watched as everyone started to arrive.

Right off the bat I noticed how friendly most everyone was and it was so refreshing to see everyone talking enjoying their time. We walked around the track in the morning before the race started so he could explain to me what all the cones meant and where people would be racing. They had the drivers meeting and went over safety, then the race began.

I watched the cars go by to get a feel for were would be the best places for pictures would be. I ended up walking to a bunch of different spots to get as many different shots as I could. By lunch time the course had gotten so dusty, I had a dirt tan. After lunch was over I did a ride along with my husband. I understand why it melts away his stress. You this tunnel vision and all you see is the track. I did a few runs with him and I was done, it made me feel like I was on a roller coaster (which I don’t care for).

Overall I had a lot of fun, which was unexpected. It was nice to get outside, meet new people and take photos. Anything that helps you relax in a positive way is worth doing. We all have stresses and sometimes you need to just forget about everything, even if it is for a few hours. This is what I have come to realize….Don’t let the chance to try something new pass you by, you may find that you love it.

These are just a few of the pictures I took form the event.

Rally X Collage.jpg

Cage your heart

We all go looking for love; I mean that is what we all want  but aren’t always open to the possibilities of love. After getting our hearts broken over and over again; we tend to cage off our hearts. Locking them away forever, only allowing ourselves to see what remains.

When I was 18 I got a tattoo on my back of a blue and purple heart that had been stitched together. I got this to show the world, this is what my heart looks like yet I still love. Even though my heart has been broken, and stomped on it still beats. I will attach the remaining pieces with needle and thread, hoping someday someone will see the beauty that still remains.

I had caged off my heart at this point in my life. I had it caged off so well in fact, that not even I could see it. Love would come my way, and I would just push it away. Or I would see love were it never existed. Confusing love for lust. I made a lot of mistakes in my younger years, the biggest one being not putting effort into relationships when they came my way. I loved love, but only the idea of love. I didn’t want to put work into something that would fail. One of my friends at the time told me, “It will only fail if you have that mindset going in. You have to put your all into it, that is how you get the most of out of it. And if it does fail at least you will have gotten something out of it. No time is ever wasted, unless you do nothing” That really stuck with me at time, so I did some soul searching and this is what i found. Don’t let the pain of a broken heart make you jaded; instead learn from it, grow from it. Don’t let the pain define you, you define the pain. Keep your heart free of walls and cages. One day you will want them gone and it will be harder to remove them than you ever thought.

When you find the one you’ve been searching for show them how you feel. Don’t hold back, love freely without boundaries. Take risks, wear your heart on your sleeve. Just never give up on love because love will never give up on you.

Always be grateful

If I have learned anything in my life and spiritual journey, it is to always be grateful. It is such an easy concept yet, so many aren’t grateful. Often times we play the victim of life, and complain about all the awful things that have happened.

I know I used to be this way, I would complain about everything. I would say it was everyone else’s fault for what was happening to me. I would do all of these things yet, I would rather sit in misery than take the effort to change anything. Then one day I was complaining about everything, when I actually started to annoying myself. Then it hit me, no wonder I have a negative life. I have done nothing but put negativity out into the world, of course it is going to come back to me. It was crazy how in that moment everything became so clear to me. How everyone saw me and how I was treating myself. That is when I took the effort to change.

I had become so used to complaining it became a second nature, and it was hard to brake. It has been quite some time since then and I complain very rarely now. When I do, I think to myself, well that was stupid. Why am I complaining? Am I trying to convince myself of something? I just stop and put everything back into perspective. There is always someone worse off than me, and me complaining about something petty is ridiculous.

There is always a reason to be grateful, even if it doesn’t seem like it. Even in darkness light can be found, you simply look for it. The way I see it everything that happens to us for a reason. It molds us into the people we are today. We can either go through life playing the victim or we can be proud of who we are. The choice is ours alone.

Balance

Yesterday I wrote about a conversation I had with my spirit guides. They told me “Stop hiding and go live”; this is something that I believe we all can relate too. Some of us hide ourselves away like a beautiful work of art; while others us put ourselves out there so much that we take no time for ourselves.

I know for myself that I enjoy my alone time, I need my own space to just be. If I don’t have this space it hinders my spirit and my state of being. Some people believe this to be weird, or anti-social. For me I am perfectly content and happy in my own little world. I am not one to be caught up in petty dramas or materialistic views. I prefer my solitude because it’s calm, simple, and positive. I do venture out of my hole from time to time to talk and see people that share my way of thinking. I don’t like large crowds or groups of people; there is too much energy, most of which is negative. I don’t drink much; it makes me feel gross and drags me down.

To me just because you’re a social person doesn’t mean you are showing your true self to everyone, or anyone. I would much rather have truthful expressions with people than hide behind a mask of fraudulence. I know that often times I spend too much time in my solitude but that’s when I make the effort to go out and try something new. Meeting new people always excites me, everyone has such different views. Then I return to my sanctuary. For me it isn’t hiding, it’s me finding a comfortable place to rest and recharge.

Life is all about balance, and it’s one the hardest things to keep level. With all the hustle and bustle of our society most of us forget about the need for balance. Whatever you need to balance make time in your day to do so. Your body, mind and spirit will thank you for it.