Its just a phase

“It’s just a phase”, this is something my mother used to say to me all the time growing up. It used to bother me that she did not understand me, or the things that I loved.

She started saying this when I was around 17 or 18, when I was a teenager I worked at a hair salon so I was always dying my hair different funky colors, along with crazy styles. Before this I had always had long hair (about mid back length) and I never dyed my hair or done anything with it. Which let me just say, I believe my hair is beautiful naturally, to me it just needed a touch of color. It became of way to express myself and have fun; I mean it is one the easiest ways to transform yourself on the outside.

When I was 18 I didn’t tell my parents and I got my lip pierced.  My friend who went with me was even surprised that I had gone through with it but it was something that I wanted so I did it, no questions asked. I always thought that it was cute, that it added to my face in an elegant way. After getting my lip pierced, I got my first tattoo. It is 3 stars on my right forearm; it’s simple and not much to it. I again did not tell my parents what I was doing; I just did it because I wanted to. When I returned home my mother said “what did you do!?” I showed her, and I don’t remember what she said but soon after that she started to say “it’s just a phase” or “I can’t wait for this phase to pass” which in some way upset me. I felt as if she loved me less because I did what I wanted to my body. When I was about 19 or 20 I started to gauge my ears, again it was something I wanted to do, so I did. Which again she did not understand; the thing is I never asked permission from anyone, I simply did it because I wanted to. No one else’s option mattered to me.

Since then I have had my hair a lot of different colors, and cut a lot of different ways. I have even been called a chameleon because my hair changes so often. I no longer have my lip pierced, which I miss sometimes. But I finally have my ears at a 2 gauge, which I love. When I finally went up from a 4 to a 2 gauge, putting those gauges it felt so right. As if I was always meant to gauge my ears, I finally felt like I was completing myself in ways only I knew how. Since my first tattoo at 18, I have several more, all of which have a meaning and I love.

So here is my message to all of you that get told” it is just a phase” that you will outgrow it and when you do you will hate it. Don’t listen to the people that say those things. Family often judges the harshest because they do not understand, and that it is okay. The things you do they aren’t meant to understand, love them even though they judge you. Love them, so you can love yourself. Trust in yourself, if something touches you in such a profound way you should never let go of that. People will say what they will to make themselves feel better, so they can cope with the change. Do what makes you happy, do what makes you feel complete and do what makes you love yourself because at the end of the day that is all that matters. You have to live with yourself, and you’re the only one that can make yourself happy.

Always come from a place of love, be kind and gentle with yourself and others and it will be always be returned to you.

Magical Year

We are 5 days into the New Year and so far things are wonderful. Since giving up meat I have felt so free and light; not to mention how proud I am of myself to do something I have always wanted to do. Every day is a new day and a new adventure. I am not one to make New Year resolutions, for me they always fail; and I don’t see the point of waiting until a new year to change your life, there is no better time than the present.

With every breathe I take I become free from all the fears that have always held me back. I feel more like myself than I ever have; each day I am a better version of myself. It’s like I have stripped away all the parts of false parts of myself; now only my true self shines through; she is more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. The fire inside of me has come alive stronger than ever before. I know see clearly, it’s up to me to make my dreams come true. I am the master and creator of my destiny; making my dreams come true is exactly what I indeed to do. I have already started on this path in sharing my thoughts with all of you; writing is my passion. There is a purpose for that, and I see this more than ever. I am here to help inspire, change and give hope to the world. I have been given this gift and I won’t waste it; I want all of you to the find a place of peace and love within yourselves.

I see and feel myself changing every day, lighter and freer than the previous day. The warrior goddess inside of me has been awakened and with each release I feel her getting stronger. I am beginning to trust my instincts and intuition.  I refuse to let anyone dampen my spirit or bring me down; this is the year I kick fear in the face. I am ready to jump into life and live. To finally get rid of the fears that hold me back from feeling alive. New experiences and new people will be the theme for this year. Doing what makes ME happy, forgetting what others say or think. Everything that I do will be for ME and I refuse to apologize for it. I will let new experiences shape me, knowledge change me, smile often and love always.

Here’s to a Magical Year!

Materialistic Christmas

In the next few days Christmas will be here; a holiday that has been shoved down our throats since before thanksgiving. Now don’t get me wrong, Christmas is one of my favorite holidays. All the lights, flowers, colors and coziness that comes to mind, are all so comforting to me. I just don’t like how it’s become more about consumerism and less about giving.

As a child growing up I loved Christmas not only for all the things I listed above but also because the family would get together; it was the one time of year were I got to see everyone and we would all get along (for the most part). I would get to go shopping with my grandmother, cook and bake with her. These memories are the ones I cherish so dearly. Things are so different now; it’s been 16 years since my grandmother passed away. She was the glue that held everyone together, a concept I had never realized or understood until she passed away. Now I don’t see my family unless someone dies, or gets married. Family is so important, it is a key part of life but sadly most of us cannot get passed the earthly distractions that surround us. So ultimately we drift apart and become strangers.

Now that I am grown up with a family of my own, I see everything so differently. I feel like the majority has forgotten about kindness, compassion and giving. All that matters is getting that newest television and the latest greatest technically.  Greedy and quite literally running people down to get what they want; the companies that rule the world, and quite frankly rule us, want us to be this way. Bringing out the worst qualities in humanity, when we act this way they have control over us and our money. It is a true tragedy to see; most of us fall into this trap and don’t even realize it. Comfortable in our materialism and too blind to feel or see the truth.

As I have stated before, I am not religious, I do not celebrate Christmas because it is the lord and savors birthday (or so they say). I celebrate Christmas because I love to give to others, even though I do not have much money and cannot give a lot, it still feels wonderful. It is not about what you give, or how large the gift is, it is about it coming from the heart. It’s about the gift having meaning and thought put into it; those are the gifts I love the most. Christmas for me is not about going into debt buying crap that someone doesn’t want or need. For me it is the joy and compassion, that little glimmer of hope that I have for us all.

I may not have a lot but there is always someone worse off than I am. So I am grateful for all that I do have, and will gladly give to someone worse off than myself. So this holiday season please, look around if you see someone that needs help, help them. Flash a smile to everyone you see.  Stop judging and let your heart guide you. Spread love and kindness this holiday season, and throughout the year. These are the best gifts of all.

Roller coaster of emotions

Last Friday at a local crystal shop they were giving away free 10 minutes readings, so I thought I’d try it out. I have only gotten readings from beloved friends before so I was curious to see what a total stranger would say or see.

Last week was rough for me in the fact that it was a roller coaster of emotions. The constant up and down of life was in full swing. When Thursday came around I felt fantastic, I was the embodiment of joy and love. I was vibrating at my highest, and it felt amazing. Friday, was different though, I still felt as if I was vibrating on a higher level, just different from the previous day. Like something was coming to the surface to be healed. Looking back now, it all makes perfect sense and I was just aligning myself for a break down so I could break through.

I decided to get a free reading; I mean what could it hurt, right? I waited and waited for my turn in line, when it finally came I got nervous. I know from experience what you want to hear and what spirit tells you are often very different. I sit down with her and she asks if there is anything that I want to ask or if I want to do an overall reading. I tell her just an overall reading would be good, since I didn’t want to give too much away. I am always cautious with a new reader; you never know who is true and who isn’t. She began to tell me things about my marriage, and about myself. That I cannot be friends with certain people because there is too much there to just be friends. That I am on the right path, and about to have a huge spiritual awakening; to keep moving forward. To be sure of the choices I make and if I find myself not liking the path I have chosen I can always back up and try another path. She said there was a baby in my aura, and to work things out before that happens.

Now for me, this was a lot in just 10 minutes, she basically mind fucked me. (for lack of a better word) She made me feel like I was powerless and the world was seamlessly spinning out of control around me. I cried, the entire way home and just felt more confused and lost that I have in a very long time. When I got home I talked to friends about what had happened, and how I felt about the whole thing. Some friends were very helpful to me, others I felt judged me. Over the course the evening, I came to this conclusion.

I am sick and tired of everyone telling me what I should or shouldn’t do. I am the master of my own destiny; I am the driver and creator. I decide what is best for me and what isn’t. Others will judge me for the way I feel and the things I do, I will love them anyway. They come from a place of closed mindedness, or not understanding. I do not blame them, I will not condemn them, I will only love them. I can be with friends with whomever I choose, I simply must take caution when there is a past life connection. Future tellers can only tell you so much, the future changes every day with every choice we make; just because they see something there doesn’t mean it is going to happen. I will feel the way I feel about people and that is how it is mean to be. Just because I am married doesn’t mean it is wrong of me to hold love for another. Just because I hold love in my heart for others doesn’t mean it is romantic in nature and doesn’t mean I love my husband less. Love is what we are all made of; it is what we desire more than anything else in this world. So when I find it, I always cherish it. Most importantly of all, the answers I seek I cannot find in anyone else, they are within me. I must take the time to look within myself to see what it is that I truly need and want. Everyone else is simply a guide.

Looking back at this whole experience, I am so grateful that this happened. I needed to crash and burn so I could rebuild myself with a stronger understanding of self. I will always believe that everything happens for a reason, and this is just one more example of that.

Letter to myself

I was looking through old photos last night, and in doing this I can across and old photo of myself. I must have been 18 in the photo. In looking at this photo, I smiled and began to think of how much I have changed in those 11 years.

So I write to my 18 year old self, I see how sad you are. I see how confused and lost you are, but I am here to tell you everything will be okay. I know you simply urn for unconditional love, and to be accepted. Little do you know all which you crave is inside of you. This is a lesson that will take you many years to fully understand; you cannot find love in another until you have found it in yourself. You can try to love yourself through another but it will never give you the satisfaction you crave, or need. You will think that things can’t get any worse, but they will. When you have reached the bottom there is nowhere to go but up, you cannot live in light without first living in the dark. Remember that, it will comfort you.  You will never lose hope in love; you know that the love you desire is just a moment away. This is something I have always loved so much about you, your undying hope. Just remember everything you have ever wanted is at your fingertips, you just have to be willing to do the work to reach it.

To my future self, I am looking forward to all the beautiful things you have in store for me. I am on this course of life, which every day I learn and feel something new. Every day is a new experience, a new way of seeing the world, and myself. I feel so light and free, liberated from the old skin I’ve worn for so long. I will remember when you reach the top there is nowhere to go but down, so I will stay humble and enjoy every second of bliss that is given to me.  I will cherish the dark times for all the lessons they give me. There are many things I wish to achieve with you but most of all, and probably the most importantly I wish to achieve a legacy of love behind me.  Love is what lives within me; it encompasses my soul, and transcends light throughout my being.

Everything you go through is meant to happen the way is has, everything is a lesson and a growth process. Enjoy all that is given to you, take nothing for granted and be free. Fill every moment with love, laughter and always remember to smile.

Changes

As my birthday and thanksgiving approach this week I find myself looking back at life. All the things I am thankful for, and just how much everything has changed.

It’s funny to me, little things change each day. They don’t seem to be too significant, just little changes here and there. But when you look back at everything, it’s totally different. Maybe you thought you’re somewhere you’d never thought you be, or you’re the person you never thought you could be. Things little happen to us each day that affect us. Life has a way of molding us into what it wants us to be. It is only us that define if it’s positive or negative. We decide the outcome of each moment; the outcome of our lives. With each passing event we choose how it will affect us; we choose what we cling to and what we let go of. It is simply all up to us.  This way of thinking is so refreshing to me, that I control the outcome of my life. Knowing that everything happens for a reason puts me at ease; that there are no mistakes, only lessons. You never really loose in the game of life, you only grow wiser and stronger.

There are positive things that happen every day, yet we put so much time and effort into the negative. Playing the pity game of poor me, and complaining about how awful life is. Negative is easy, it requires little to no thought, it’s comfortable, and it’s easy to get sucked into. It is easier to judge everyone else, than to judge yourself. I get it, it just isn’t okay with me. It doesn’t settle well with in me, I cannot be so lazy that I am controlled by mindlessness.

Seeing the brighter side of things will always be the way I choose, looking on the positive side makes me feel whole and complete; knowing that there is good to be found in everything. Just think of how beautiful the world would be if everyone gave into the light as easily as they give into the negative. If we all had empathy, kindness and endless love for one another; think of all that we would accomplish as a species. It would be incredibly beautiful, the true essence of humanity shining so blighting.

 

Drama isn’t for me

Last night my husband and I were talking about drama’s that are going on in our families. How angry everyone is, and how everyone yelling only makes the entire situation worse. Name calling when you’re angry or in general brings nothing constructive to the disagreement; all it does it make things worse. Words spoken in anger are usually words we wish we could take back. That’s the thing about words of anger the pain they leave behind never really fades away. The first cut is always the deepest.

I told my husband that they should not resort to this kind of behavior, that more can get accomplished by talking. That name calling is beneath them, and if they spoke up and told people how they feel then it wouldn’t of gotten this far. What he said next really surprised me, he said “This is why everyone gets upset with you; you always take the high road. Sometimes I don’t want to take the high road, when I’m angry I say whatever comes out. Your too hippie dippy for me sometimes.” Still now, this statement makes me starch my head in confusion. I told him “That statement zero sense to me. When you get angry and call someone a terrible name what do you think that does to them? What does that do to you? That’s your ego, telling you it’s okay, and encouraging that behavior. It is unacceptable for me to believe that is okay.” He said sometimes he just wants to call someone a bad name. I told him how does any of this makes sense to you, I am disappointed I thought you were better than that.

Calling me a bad name when your upset only upsets me and then you feel like crap for making me upset. So how is any of that useful? How can you justify that in your mind? He says that’s just how some people are; which is a huge reason why I don’t understand most of the population. If you tell people how you feel when they upset you, then you don’t need to resort to yelling and name calling. It’s all one huge ego trip, and I wish everyone would notice this. When people yell they are no longer talking to listen to the other person, they are talking to only be heard; and nothing good comes from that. So I will always walk away, and leave all that garbage behind. I understand that everyone is angry, and that is okay but it is all in how you work through your anger that matters. If people get pissed off at me for the way that I am, then they aren’t mean to be in my life. I am the way I am and I will not apologize for it. I have lived most of my life in a house filled with fighting and negativity,  and it has no place in my adult life.

We are all different. We all think differently, would do things differently and act differently. Once we all come together in our differences than perhaps we can leave the acts of ego behind us.  The ego only holds us back from our own happiness. No one idea is better than the other. Life is all about choices, we choose what affects us and how it affects us; we make them everyday, whether we know it or not.

Path to enlightenment

I have come to notice so many things lately, so much is going on. I have finished my soul coaching book. I have a whole new outlook on life and the spirit within myself. You are always home if you find comfort within yourself. It is not our place to judge, it only are place to love. Our spirit is linked to everything; all of your problems, fears, illness, everything. Our bodies tells us what it needs, we simply have to listen. We must take time for ourselves, so that we can recharge. Sitting in the quite for a few minutes a day can transform you day, even your life.

We are all works in progress, each soul has something to learn and knowledge to gain. No one person is better than another, we are equal, and we’re all the same. We are all souls having a human experience. The path to enlightenment is not easy but it is the path we all must take. There is much knowledge to learn from one another, even if it’s how not to be. Moments of kindness are so hard to come by; when they do present themselves they warm my heart with love and light. We are all meant to help one another, and to work together.

When you stop complaining about life and start to appreciate it, it will become positive. Complaining only brings more negativity into your life. Being grateful on the other hand can only bring more positivity and light into your life. If there is something you don’t like, change it. You are the master of your own destiny; you and you alone decide the outcome of your life. We decide what affects us, and how it affects us. Take responsibility for your choices and stop blaming others.

There are too many beautiful things in this world to get caught up in the webs of negativity. Free yourself from the things that cage you, the things that hold you down. So that you can be free and become everything you were meant to be.

Find your truth

I often talk about finding your truth, and beliefs that are your own. You should not believe anything simply because you are told to believe it. You should experience different things and deiced what your beliefs are for yourself.  This is one of the biggest problems I have with how our society is set up. People often don’t find their truths, they just do as they have always done.

A few months ago I found my truth with religion. It is something that I have struggled with for most of my life. As a child I would go to church with both sets of grandparents. Of which they were different in their religious beliefs. I found all of my church experiences boring and pointless, expect one. There was one time that I attended a church where I actually had fun. It wasn’t your typical sit and listen to the pastor talk for what seemed like forever. Instead of we would sing, and dance around. You could feel the high level of energy, you could feel the faith of the entire church and it was so infectious. That was the only time I really ever enjoyed church, or at least had fun while attending.

From my experiences as a child I believed that their as a devil, so I had to believe that there was a god. They go hand in hand, you cannot have one without the other. Even though I believed this, I wasn’t sure if I really did. Was this just something I was told to believe so I did? I searched within myself for years until I was able to answer this question.  The answer was no, I don’t believe this to be to true to my soul.

What I do believe to be true is this, I believe  in light and dark energy. It surrounds all of us on a daily basis, I can feel it. Only the light can clear out the darkness. It is up to each and everyone one of us which energy will allow to reside inside of us. We make the choice every day, every time we wake up if the day will be positive or negative. We even decide which actions are positive or negative. We make our lives what they are, it is not the work of a God sitting on clouds deciding how our life turns out. It’s all on us, I guess in a way we are the creators of own destiny. We have more power over our lives than we give ourselves credit for. It is far easier to blame another than to take responsibility for your life and change it.

I understand that humanity needs to have a reason to stay “good”. For me, being a decent human being should not be a part of any faith or religion. It should simply be how we are, with no motives behind it. I do not condone anyone if they are religious, there are some who religion has helped tremendously. We are all entitled to our own beliefs and religious beliefs.

My religion is simple. Love.