A page from my journal

Right now I am in a strange place, kind of like I’m in limbo. Slowly moving out of the old, and into the new but as I move I’m stuck in both worlds. Vulnerability is mostly what I feel, the urge of wanting to hide but standing tall anyways. Scared to the death of how exposed I am but finding it freeing and liberating at the same time. The little voice in my head keeps reminding me “Things are not as scary as they seem. Keep going.” I keep using this as as a reminder, and the thing that keeps me pushing forward. There is no time to hide, there is no time to stay in one place, there is only time for courage, bravery and finding my authentic truths. I know that as I transform, I will grow stronger and shine brighter than ever. It’s just while I await the day I blossom, I sit here anxiously, finding comfort in mediation, my dog and my husband. As they already see my scars and wounds and love me despite them. Mediation is where I can center and fall into myself; where I can relive my past so that I may release it. Feeling empty as each piece of hurt and pain leave my body. It will take time to replenish my energy in these spaces.  This is why I am unable to help anyone right now, I am truly in the process of truing into a beautiful butterfly, and right now I am building my cocoon. This is a truly whole new realm for me; I can see myself changing each day. Like there is a loading bar in my head and the update is not yet complete. I am becoming more overcome with love, and annoyed by the negative. I understand now more than ever how much love is all there is and without it, we have nothing. I feel blessed and humbled by all the universe has given to me, and allowed me to experience. What a truly spectacular gift.

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