I have been toying with the idea of writing a book about all the trauma and opposition I have faced in my life and how I overcame it all with positive thinking, strength and a never ending hope. As I think more and more on this, I don’t think it is right. I don’t want you to pay for something that I am sharing from my heart. I want to share my life with you, so that you can be inspired to never give up. That no matter what you’re faced with, know that you can overcome it. So it isn’t about the money to me, it’s about helping you so that you know are as beautiful as the sky, and each burst of darkness is just a passing storm. Just like storms they always leave. So the sky can shine as beautifully once more. Everything passes, nothing is permanent.
So with that being said, I am going to share my life with you. The times that truly affected me in ways that I still see how they affect me, and have changed me. I will share with you parts of my life most of my family doesn’t even know about. I will share all the hidden secrets; I will share everything. A part of me is scared to do so because in return I will be absolutely naked to the world but the rest of me feels like I need to be brave and do this. It is part a therapy for me but mostly for you. As I have always said part of my journey is writing and sharing with you; so you know you are never alone. You are never the only one going through something. There is always light to be found, even in the darkest of places. I hope to make you stronger and more fearless even in darkest of times. These times do not define you, they simply guide and teach you the lessons you need to learn. You are defined by who you choose to be and who you become.
Now for how lengthy this post has become I am will be sharing it in three parts. They will be all titled the same thing just parts 1, 2, and 3. So you can easily find them.
Here we go….
My life has had its ups and down, just as everyone else. I have faced darkness and despair. Just like the phoenix I’ve risen from my ashes to become more than I ever thought possible. I know that my life isn’t the hardest as they come, that others have it worse off than me. This isn’t a competition of who had the worse up bringing this is simply my story from my point of view and how I was affected. I would like to take this time to say to my parents who may or may not read this, I love you. I understand know that everything you did and have done was what you thought to be the best for me. That you were simply doing what you were taught, and I do not hold that against you. I will always have an undying love for you, you are the reason I am alive and the reason I was created. I am simply sharing my life so that I may help inspire another. This is not meant to be an attack or to make you look bad.
I grew up like most middle class children in 90’s, I watched cartoons on nickelodeon, colored in my coloring books, played outside with my friends, and was just a kid. My childhood was great, I had a family that loved me, all my needs were taken care of, and I had everything that I needed to survive. What was lacking more was my emotional needs.
From an early age I knew I had a half-sister, she did not live with me (so I basically grew up as an only child.) I would see her every weekend; I loved the time I got to spend with her. So much so that I never wanted to leave her, I always wondered why we could not live together. Why we had to be apart, I asked my mother a few times why it had to be this way and I remember never being satisfied with her answers. Grownups never really tell the truth to children in hopes in protecting them or saying they wouldn’t understand. As a child and even still now, I think children are wiser than we give them credit for. In my eyes my half-sister has always been my full sister. I have always loved her as a sister and a dear friend, even though I never felt the sisterly bond between us. I have always been proud to call her my sister. Recently we have reconnected, and it has meant the world to me.
As a child I loved my daddy, I adored him. I looked up to him and wanted to find a man just like him. He was everything to me; I would play with his hair and put it up in little pony tails. We would play pretty pretty princess together. He would sit me on his knee and bounce me up and down. I loved every moment I spent with him. He is a beautiful soul, with so much light and love inside of him. Sadly, however he chooses to let the darkness within him lead the way from time to time. Growing up you would have to be careful what you said, and what you did because you never really knew when he would get angry. There were many times when I would escape to my room, put on my headphones and just hide away from all the yelling and fighting. I remember he would get into these fits of rage and break all my mother’s things, simply to hurt her. He would destroy the house, and everyone in it. There was a point where he become physically abusive, and we moved out.