“It’s just a phase”, this is something my mother used to say to me all the time growing up. It used to bother me that she did not understand me, or the things that I loved.
She started saying this when I was around 17 or 18, when I was a teenager I worked at a hair salon so I was always dying my hair different funky colors, along with crazy styles. Before this I had always had long hair (about mid back length) and I never dyed my hair or done anything with it. Which let me just say, I believe my hair is beautiful naturally, to me it just needed a touch of color. It became of way to express myself and have fun; I mean it is one the easiest ways to transform yourself on the outside.
When I was 18 I didn’t tell my parents and I got my lip pierced. My friend who went with me was even surprised that I had gone through with it but it was something that I wanted so I did it, no questions asked. I always thought that it was cute, that it added to my face in an elegant way. After getting my lip pierced, I got my first tattoo. It is 3 stars on my right forearm; it’s simple and not much to it. I again did not tell my parents what I was doing; I just did it because I wanted to. When I returned home my mother said “what did you do!?” I showed her, and I don’t remember what she said but soon after that she started to say “it’s just a phase” or “I can’t wait for this phase to pass” which in some way upset me. I felt as if she loved me less because I did what I wanted to my body. When I was about 19 or 20 I started to gauge my ears, again it was something I wanted to do, so I did. Which again she did not understand; the thing is I never asked permission from anyone, I simply did it because I wanted to. No one else’s option mattered to me.
Since then I have had my hair a lot of different colors, and cut a lot of different ways. I have even been called a chameleon because my hair changes so often. I no longer have my lip pierced, which I miss sometimes. But I finally have my ears at a 2 gauge, which I love. When I finally went up from a 4 to a 2 gauge, putting those gauges it felt so right. As if I was always meant to gauge my ears, I finally felt like I was completing myself in ways only I knew how. Since my first tattoo at 18, I have several more, all of which have a meaning and I love.
So here is my message to all of you that get told” it is just a phase” that you will outgrow it and when you do you will hate it. Don’t listen to the people that say those things. Family often judges the harshest because they do not understand, and that it is okay. The things you do they aren’t meant to understand, love them even though they judge you. Love them, so you can love yourself. Trust in yourself, if something touches you in such a profound way you should never let go of that. People will say what they will to make themselves feel better, so they can cope with the change. Do what makes you happy, do what makes you feel complete and do what makes you love yourself because at the end of the day that is all that matters. You have to live with yourself, and you’re the only one that can make yourself happy.
Always come from a place of love, be kind and gentle with yourself and others and it will be always be returned to you.