These words right here, they hit me like a pile of bricks. The say everything I have ever wanted to say.
I have been in many relationships but one there’s one stands out among all the rest. This was my first real love, a kind of love I could hold on to. Among all the chaos the world would throw at me that love was there. I thought for a very long time that everything he promised me was all I needed. But like so much of that relationship, it was all dust in the wind. He promised me the world, but never delivered. He promised me change and yet he stayed the same. He promised me a life of love and happiness, and I got lies and anger. It took me two years to see that everything he was selling was an illusion. It took me just as long to see what he was doing to me. The devil has a way of bringing you down without even knowing your down. Leaving that relationship was the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I was scared I was making the wrong choice, I even later accused of cheating. I even was talked to as if I was the “bad guy.” None of that matter to me, I left because I owed it to myself to leave.
I have been in the presence of the devil many times, and every time I didn’t know until it was too late. The thing with being around the devil is you don’t have to feel, anything. For me, as a person who feels everything, this is amazing. It is so inviting, and easy. To just immerse yourself in nothingness; I loved it. The thing I hadn’t realized is it molds you in its own image. You lose your control, you lose yourself. As much as I enjoy the darkness, I enjoy the light more. That is what has saved me so many times. I have spent many lifetimes in darkness, and this will not be one them. So I left a relationship that I thought would last forever because it was toxic to me. I left friends that did not aid in my growth and I will continue to leave what doesn’t aid me in my growth. Darkness may tempt me, it may invite me in but I will always choose the light. It is where I belong; it’s who I have become.
We are 5 days into the New Year and so far things are wonderful. Since giving up meat I have felt so free and light; not to mention how proud I am of myself to do something I have always wanted to do. Every day is a new day and a new adventure. I am not one to make New Year resolutions, for me they always fail; and I don’t see the point of waiting until a new year to change your life, there is no better time than the present.
With every breathe I take I become free from all the fears that have always held me back. I feel more like myself than I ever have; each day I am a better version of myself. It’s like I have stripped away all the parts of false parts of myself; now only my true self shines through; she is more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. The fire inside of me has come alive stronger than ever before. I know see clearly, it’s up to me to make my dreams come true. I am the master and creator of my destiny; making my dreams come true is exactly what I indeed to do. I have already started on this path in sharing my thoughts with all of you; writing is my passion. There is a purpose for that, and I see this more than ever. I am here to help inspire, change and give hope to the world. I have been given this gift and I won’t waste it; I want all of you to the find a place of peace and love within yourselves.
I see and feel myself changing every day, lighter and freer than the previous day. The warrior goddess inside of me has been awakened and with each release I feel her getting stronger. I am beginning to trust my instincts and intuition. I refuse to let anyone dampen my spirit or bring me down; this is the year I kick fear in the face. I am ready to jump into life and live. To finally get rid of the fears that hold me back from feeling alive. New experiences and new people will be the theme for this year. Doing what makes ME happy, forgetting what others say or think. Everything that I do will be for ME and I refuse to apologize for it. I will let new experiences shape me, knowledge change me, smile often and love always.
Here’s to a Magical Year!
Around Christmas time I decided that I would do something for myself. Something that I have always wanted to do but never did out of fear of what others would say. I decided that I would enjoy the pescatarian lifestyle; which simply means that I would only eat fish and seafood. I haven’t had any meat since Christmas day, and I have felt so much better as a result. I have felt lighter, free, and just at peace. I feel as if my energy is now my own; when I would eat meat I would feel everything that animal went through and it messed with my energy. Now that just doesn’t happen, and it feels amazing. Most of all, I feel proud of myself to finally get out of my own way. To do something I have always wanted to do, and stick with it.
When I first told my husband the plans I had for myself, he freaked out a little bit. I told him “I am doing this for me and me only. I am not going to make you stop eating meat or judge you because you do. This is something that I need to do for me. It’s that simple.” He then smiled and understood, he said “I will support you fully in anything that you do. Dinners will be a little more challenging but we will work around that.” I thanked him for understanding; I did not need his support but it was very comforting knowing that I had it.
Since then I have told many other people about my lifestyle change, and to my surprise people get really angry or make a big deal about it. It isn’t a big deal that people don’t enough vegetables but since I’ve stopped eating me it’s the end of the world. When they act like this all I see is fear; fear of not understanding and fear of change. I feel a sense of sadness for these people; they are missing out on so much of life. Don’t let fear stop you, don’t like other people stop you. Do what you need to do for YOU, screw everyone else. People don’t want you to change because they are afraid of changing themselves; their fear is not yours so don’t own it. This year I will not let fear get in my way, I will forge my own path; I will change and be happy. I have told countless people “You do not need to like it, you don’t even have to understand it but you will respect it. If you don’t respect me and my choices, than I will leave.” This statement alone has thrown off many people, I guess me standing up for myself takes them by surprise.
Over the past year, I have seen a change in most of my views that I was taught to believe growing up. This happening has made me reset how I see the world, the people in it, everything. Since this happened I have not stood as strongly as I should when talking to others about what I believe to be true; my beliefs never stray I just am not as vocal about them. I am a lover not a fighter, I do not like to debate or argue so I often let people talk at me until they are finished. Well that will change this year, people will hear what I have to say about things. More than ever I feel that fear being purged from within me. It has no place in my life; it only shows me that I am on the right path.
2017 is the year of new beginnings and change and that is exactly what will happen. This is the year I will work to make all my dreams come true, I will have everything I need and will gain so much. There is a new person I am headed to becoming, one filled with more love and understanding. A strong warrior goddess who lets passion and love drive her. I have never been so excited to embody her.