These words right here, they hit me like a pile of bricks. The say everything I have ever wanted to say.
I have been in many relationships but one there’s one stands out among all the rest. This was my first real love, a kind of love I could hold on to. Among all the chaos the world would throw at me that love was there. I thought for a very long time that everything he promised me was all I needed. But like so much of that relationship, it was all dust in the wind. He promised me the world, but never delivered. He promised me change and yet he stayed the same. He promised me a life of love and happiness, and I got lies and anger. It took me two years to see that everything he was selling was an illusion. It took me just as long to see what he was doing to me. The devil has a way of bringing you down without even knowing your down. Leaving that relationship was the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I was scared I was making the wrong choice, I even later accused of cheating. I even was talked to as if I was the “bad guy.” None of that matter to me, I left because I owed it to myself to leave.
I have been in the presence of the devil many times, and every time I didn’t know until it was too late. The thing with being around the devil is you don’t have to feel, anything. For me, as a person who feels everything, this is amazing. It is so inviting, and easy. To just immerse yourself in nothingness; I loved it. The thing I hadn’t realized is it molds you in its own image. You lose your control, you lose yourself. As much as I enjoy the darkness, I enjoy the light more. That is what has saved me so many times. I have spent many lifetimes in darkness, and this will not be one them. So I left a relationship that I thought would last forever because it was toxic to me. I left friends that did not aid in my growth and I will continue to leave what doesn’t aid me in my growth. Darkness may tempt me, it may invite me in but I will always choose the light. It is where I belong; it’s who I have become.