It’s crazy how one moment can change everything; make everything you felt or had crumble away in an instant. The pieces that you’re left with are the same hollow shell you used to be. The person you thought you had grown out of and healed from but she still resides within you. You are now here once again, stuck in this strange place of sadness, unrest and confusion; with no idea of which way to go.
Life is a funny thing, you think you have worked through those parts of yourself and yet they still return to be worked on and healed once more. I never thought that I would feel this way again, honestly I didn’t. I guess some traumas we have never really go heal fully; especially that trauma we have repeated in so many of our lives. The universe has a funny way of working, bringing up things within us so that we can cleanse ourselves from it; moving higher in our vibration only to be brought back down in another time, in some other way. I may not be to blame to for this state that I am in, but I am responsible for the work I now must do. I know that this has happened for a reason, and that it is now time for me to go deeper within myself and find what it is that I need to heal from. I am trying to be the same, to act as if nothing has happened but I am not one for make believe. I can only act the way I feel, and say the way I feel. I will not let this sadness, this strange grief get me down. I will stay strong in the love I have for myself, I will work through this and be a better, stronger version on myself than ever before.
The lesson I have to share with all of you is that no matter what happens in our lives, we are responsible for how we feel. WE have control over what affect us and what doesn’t. Others may help bring out parts of us that we didn’t know existed and that is their purpose. They are teachers, here to show us how to better ourselves. Feel the pain, let is pour into your soul. Release it and heal. These are how we evolve into deeper understanding of ourselves.
Planet yourselves in darkness so you can go into the light
I notice more and more that most people do not tell others how they truly feel. All that emotion has to go somewhere; it will manifest into something greater. Often coming out as anger or in an explosion of emotions. Some of us try to please every, some of us avoid fights at all cost but at what point do we say enough is enough. In order to live a happy life, you have to be able to tell others how you feel. I mean how else they are supposed to know, we aren’t mind readers. You don’t have to be rude, loud or angry about it. If you stay calm, and strong in your tone then you will capture the attention of others. Stay respectful and tell the other person how you feel.
Telling people how you feel is about you, not them. It is so you can feel better, and get everything off your chest. It’s about releasing everything you need to; and if they do not understand that then perhaps they aren’t meant to be in your life.
We have emotions for a reason; they meant to be felt, and expressed. Expressing yourself will make you feel lighter and in a sense, free. You will then have no reason to have aggressive outburst, or have your emotions take on a life of their own.
If the way you have been living your life isn’t working, then try something new. You are the only one that can make yourself happy, take reasonability for your happiness. Be the best version of yourself that you can be.
I am home today, we left Philadelphia yesterday. Which I am glad that we did, police were out in full force due to Trump’s visit today. The trip away was so good for me; it has been a long time since I took a trip without my husband. It was wonderful to spend time with a dear friend and explore the city. It feels wonderful to be home and spend time with my dog. He is my main man; he is the holder of my secrets, the love of my life, and my best friend. He hasn’t left my side since I’ve been home, which makes me feel so loved.
On this trip away I have realized how important it is to be selfish from time to time. We must do what makes us happy, and be around people that make us happy. People that inspire us to be better, to live outside our comfort zone and people that align with us. Taking care of yourself and your needs should come before anyone else’s. I say this as someone who has always put everyone else before herself; always putting myself last left me empty, and drained. For the first time in my life I love myself enough to say “It’s my turn”, to take care of myself and do the things that make me feel so alive. I want this year, and more years to come to be all about traveling, and writing. I may not be able to change the world, but I can change the people in my world.
Have a wonderful day everyone, go live & stay beautiful.
Yesterday I arrived in Philly; one of my friends had a work trip so I came along to get away from the day to day. We went to Eastern State Penitentiary. The campus is enormous, far bigger than I thought it would be. Upon entering, it felt like you were in another time; the city of the outside world disappeared. You now were in a city of darkness, hopelessness and despair surrounded you. As we walked around the cell blocks it felt as if you were being followed or stared at. You could tell that the prison was still very much alive, and most poisoners had never left. Some of the cell blocks were so negative, there were a few times I had to go outside to get away from it. I felt such sadness there, I don’t know if that was coming from the energy around me, or if that was me feeling so sad for them. I was hoping to the infirmary and some other areas of the prison, but they were blocked off. I could not image having to live out the rest of my life there. My first words entering the prison was “If I had to live here, I would kill myself” to me it was like hell. Some areas of the prison were worse than others, but overall it is undeniable that it is haunted at least to me it is.
After we left the prison, we headed over to see the stairs that were used in Rocky. So we took a picture with the rocky statue, and went up the stairs. I need to work on my cardio, by the time I got to the top I was winded. There were some people there who were running up the stairs sideways, I give them mad props. When we got to the top of the stairs both of our phones died, which meant we couldn’t use uber. Lucky for us there was a cab that just pulled up, so we went back to hotel to charge up. Later in the evening we went out got some dinner, and had so much fun. We met so many new people, and just talked. It was lovely.
My friend has been working all day, so I have been writing like a crazy woman. It feels so good to be away from all the things that normally distract me. I can go deeper within myself, and see how I truly feel about everything. So far I am enjoying my stay in philly, once I got adjusted to the all the energy here, it’s pretty nice. I has been raining for days though, and is still raining. So I am hoping it stops this evening so we can go out and explore a little more.
It has been days since I have had to just sit and write anything. Most of the week I was feeling so tried, and just exhausted. There has been some updates going on for us, and I was feeling it for sure; my body has been healing and releasing all week. I finally feel like myself again, thank goodness. I am sure without a doubt there will be more updates to come, as this is a pretty intense time right now.
I got to spend some time with a beloved friend this week, which is always fun. We went to her friend’s house and I got to try out a light bed for the first time. A light bed has different lights on it, the color of each charka, and then the lights are placed over you so they hoover over your charkas. The lights are very bright, and colorful. I only did a 20 minute session to start, and that was enough for my first time. It took me a while to just relax and quite my mind, but once I did I got so relaxed. My arms and legs felt so heavy and I just didn’t want to move. It was an amazing feeling to have all of my charkas open at one time. Once my time was up, I was relaxed for hours after word. I just felt so light, and had no worries. I don’t even think I was thinking about anything, which was amazing in its self. Not having any sort of experience while under the light, I thought that I wouldn’t have any experience at all…I was wrong. That night my dreams were loaded with symbolism. They were the kind of dreams that feel so real you wake up and have to take a second to think “did that just happen?” then you know that it was only a dream. The dream was so real in fact that I had to ask one of my physic friends if the guy in it was a subconscious message or if there was a real spiritual connection there. Turns out it was just a subconscious message, which added even more meaning and symbolism to the dream. I am thankful the spirit guides show me all of these things; I know they talk to me all the time but I cannot hear them through all the noise. My next goal will be quieting my mind, so that I can hear. There are many times I feel so scattered, I have to reel myself back in and stay focused. I am going to go back next week for another session; I am excited to see what the spirits have in store for me.
We are never done learning and improving ourselves. There is always work to be done.
sending light & love to all of you.
We only can control what we do, say and feel. The need to control everything must be let go of, release any and all things you cannot control. Feel a weight lifted off your shoulders, be free from it. Take a deep breath and just release.
The power of release is transforming and magical; only aligning ourselves with the things that we resonate with, pure beauty. We only are affected by what we allow to affect us; we do not have to accept all things that are given to us. There are often times I get a headache, and I started to say “This is not mine, I do not accept it.” I say this over and over again and just like magic the headache fades away. We have to be aware of what is our own and what isn’t, think of how much baggage you’re carrying around for someone else. It is so tiring and draining, and it simply weighs you down. You don’t need it; let the baggage of the past go. It’s over, complete and cannot be changed. It is what it is and that is what it shall be. The reasonability of your life is yours and yours alone.
You can make your dreams come true, you can sit around complaining. You can travel and live your life, or you can be a job that you hate. Life is simple; we are the ones that complicate things.
This is your life, go live it.