Something that I struggle with on a daily basis is where to set my limits. When do I say enough is enough, I love you but you do not help me in reaching my highest potential. I have no problem doing this with friends, or even lovers but when it comes to family it’s tough.
I often feel like they are the ones that should be there for you when times are tough but often times, at least for me, they aren’t. It’s only when they need you that they reappear in your life. Which I can’t vibe with; if you aren’t going to be around for all the wonderful things then you shouldn’t be around when things are terrible. I am all for giving advice but it can be so draining to give to others only to get nothing in return. And how about those family member that are just so negative it physically pains you. You see the truth behind the mask, but can’t seem to break through to the person behind it. It’s like they can’t see all the pain they put on the ones that love and cherish them; the mask that protects them is also the mask that harms them. You see the dimly lit light within them but have no way to help them. At what point do you give up on them? At what point do you say, I can’t do this anymore, you are hurting my spirit and I cannot allow that.
I am someone who doesn’t like to give up on people, not everyone is a lost cause. But I have also worked so hard to get where I am in my journey that I am not willing to be pushed down by negativity. I do not allow friends, or other people to do this to me so why should family be any different? I’ll tell you why, I want them to be proud of me. I want the things I do to be enough, even though they never will be. I just want them to tell me that they love me and mean it. The things I long for may never come but these are the things that hold me here. They force to me to stay with an ounce of hope that one day things may be different. One day is a lovely thought but I am truly losing hope.
Wishing someone will see how they hurt the ones they love is a sad reality that I live in. Maybe I am all wrong and they do see what they do to others but just don’t care. Or don’t know how to the fix the damage they have done, believing it is beyond repair. Whatever the case may be I only know how I feel. The struggle is so real that it aches inside my soul. Constantly playing tug of war with yourself just may be one of the worst feelings in the world.