Blocking yourself

On Wednesday I did another past life regression; the intent of this regression was to find when my fear originated and why I have associated it with fear. When my friend and I began the regression, I laid down and began to relax. I slowly became more and more relax until I just got to the state of stillness. I began to walk over the bridge of time; I then stepped off the bridge and into a past life. It is normally at this point where I began to see my surroundings, my body, and other people. This time was unlike all the other regression’s I had previous; I saw complete darkness. I thought to myself that perhaps I was blind in this life. My friend was asking me questions of where I was, what year is it, what’s my family name, are you male or female, young or old? All of which I had no answers too. As I lay in the darkness that now surrounded me; my stomach began to tense up. It was now filled with anxiousness, and fearfulness. I then began to feel things touching me, of which I am still unsure. It was at the point where I felt my physical body begin to twitch and react to me being touched. Along with not being able to see anything, I also did not hear anything.

A few moments later she had asked me “You will always…what?” To which my response was “I will always be afraid”. As I heard my mind say this to me, it was said with such forcefulness, and authority. As I had no choice in the matter, I had already made my choice. I do not feel this way anymore, the saying has now changed to “I will no longer be afraid”. I feel as if I’m playing tug of war with myself. As I let go and release my ego pulls me back to these fears. Telling me that I need them, know full well I do not.

She then moved in forward in time, to my death. I do not remember how I died in this life as it must have been of little significance. As I left that body, and began to float above it is when I saw an image; which now has a permit place in my mind.  I saw a muddy ground; it must have rained recently or was raining. There was no sun shining, it was cloudy and gray. There were horse prints imprinted into the mud which the rain water had collected in.  I was kneeling, one leg bend in the mud the other my foot in the mud. Both my hands were in the mud and my head was down. My skin was white, so white in fact it looked as if I had never seen the sun. I had no hair on my head, and saw only a small brown cloth covering my private area (which made me believe I was a man in this life). I did not see my face however; I did notice that I had an iron collar around my neck. It was thick, and had loops where a chain could be attached. I also received no emotion linked to the image.

After I received this image she asked me “Think of your soul contracts, did you a share this life with another in your present life?” Yes, I thought. My friend that was doing the regression was the only one that came to mind. She then asked “What was my purpose of this life?” To which I said to myself “To give others hope when there is none”.

She then pulled me back to my physical body; I just laid there for a few seconds. Thinking back on all the knowledge I didn’t receive and the little that I did. I told her that I had no answers for her, and all I saw was this one image. She had told me that as we were doing the regression, she knew I wasn’t getting to the root. That somethings we carry with us so long that they take root in us and become so deep it takes many regressions to rid them from ourselves. That we block ourselves from revisiting this impactful moments in our souls evolution.  This is what is happening to me, I believe. I do believe I have been carrying this me for quite a long time and it is only now that I am fully ready to get rid of them. It will just take more work than I may have fully realized. So I will continue on this path until I have fulfilled all that I need to. The hardest path is the one that reaps the most rewards.

We all have bad days

People often think that just because I am a spiritual being,  means I never have bad days. Being a spiritual being you experience a lot of crummy, negative days. The only way to clear out the negative is to feel it, and then release it. So yes, there are days were I don’t feel like dealing with people, so I don’t leave my house. There are times when I lose my cool, there are times when I am sad and depressed. The difference I guess would be that I don’t let the negative settle in. I know that the negative is just a passing storm in a sea of beautiful white light. Nothing is permeate not even the rain. I am human, I just do my best to say “okay! Enough is enough! I am sick of being down in the dumps! I am going get up and be happy! I am going to listen to music I love, wear things I love and create things I love! I am alive and I am beautiful!”

Life is all about mindset, if you sit around complaining about your life; then you’re simply reminding yourself to be negative. Instead of complaining, complement yourself. Share words of positivity with yourself and you will change your mindset. It may take time but you will start to believe. You are beautiful, amazing, and a goddess.  Never forget that.

Find yourself

Unleash your inner goddess, your inner fire and your inner truths. Care more about your options of yourself then the options of others. Find what makes you, you and let yourself shine. Leave behind the traps and lies cement cities have been telling you. Take a walk in the mountain’s, let the cool air dance across your face and messy up your hair. Take deep breathe of the crisp fresh air, let it cleanse your soul. Take in the beauty of the changing leaves, allow yourself to become one with mother earth. Connect to her, feel all the love she has for you. Let it engulf every ounce of your being. Inhale love and exhale hate. Talk with the trees, the wisdom they hold is far greater than our own. Our mother does not need us but we very much need her. She teaches us to be strong, and to endure all. She will be ruthless at times but what mother isn’t. If you love and respect her, she will return it to you. We are meant to live beside her, with her. Nature is our true home, the place where we belong. Take time to find mother it is where you will find yourself.


The energy around me has been different lately. I am unsure what is causing this shift in energy; I thought it could be the shifting seasons. Or it could simply be me, my energy is changing. I know that my spirit is growing and evolving. Along with this shift in energy I feel as if a piece of myself is missing. I am unsure of where it has gone or what this piece is. I do think that this could have been a part of myself that I never wanted before but now that I do I don’t know how to find it. We often give away little pieces of ourselves to others, not knowing that one day will want all of these pieces back. We build walls to keep others out, we build cages around our hearts locking them away from everyone, when we do this we lock ourselves out as well. Hiding ourselves away is easier than putting ourselves out there. In hiding there is no rejection but in hiding there is no living.

I have been so tired lately, even though I am sleeping at night my dreams have become so active that I am not resting. My dreams are like watching home movies, looking back at the memories to remember. I am supposed to remember something, what that is exactly I am unsure. I do not remember the details of my dreams, only that they are memories and they hold great importance. I had a dream two nights ago that I got a message on facebook and had a conversation with someone. I woke up thinking that was weird, that is all I remember from my dream. How can this be useful at all? I checked my phone and sure enough there was a message from facebook waiting for me. Things like this have been happening to more and more lately. Often times it happens with the phone. I will hear it ring before it dose or know who is calling before I look at the caller id. All of which I think is strange until my experience is validated by it being reality.

In the past few weeks I’ve been seeing 11:11, 1:11, 2:22, and 5:55 almost every day. It seems when I have the urge to see what time it is, it is often one of these numbers. Whenever I do see them I smile and thank the universe and the angels for their messages to me. They too validate that I am on the right path and on to manifesting new beginnings. It is always a good feeling to know that you’re on the right path, especially when you take a leap of faith and are unsure of the outcome. When I quit a job that I hated I saw these numbers and they pushed me through. Then they stopped, and now that they have started again I know they will push me through the hard times so I can get to the wonderful times.

How is everyone else feeling?? Just remember keep your head up and never stop loving. Smile, let the beauty within radiate outward.

If I wasnt so afarid

I wanted to share some things that I would do if I wasn’t so afraid. Writing stuff like down is often therapeutic for me. It is a way to see the things I’m afraid of in a different way; and even encourages myself to want to overcome them. Fears hold us back from experiencing the world around, these are some of mine.

I love the beauty of the butterfly but I am fearful when they fly. I know they are harmless and will do no harm to me, yet I am still afraid. I have had the opportunity a couple of times were a butterfly has tried to land on me. I swat it away before even realizing that I am doing it and it flies away. If I wasn’t so afraid I would hold a butterfly. I’d be captivated in the beauty I was able to hold.

If I wasn’t so afraid I’d travel alone. I would get away from all the people I know and love. The kind of response I would imagine to find on a journey such as this reminds me of the movie Eat. Pray. Love. She went to a city where she knew no one and found herself. I think this would be an amazing experience; since we often relay of others to define ourselves.

The one things I want to do most of all is zip line. I have always stopped myself from doing this because of my fear of heights. When my husband and I went on vacation I wanted to do this but I told myself it cost too much so I didn’t. I always find some sort of excuse to not zip line.  One of these days I will take the plunge and just do it.

We all have things that hold us back, come to terms with what they are. Once you know them, you can move past them. I used to be afraid to fly. I don’t enjoy flying but I am no longer afraid of it. You just have to push through the fear. I will do my best to take my words of advice and I hope that all of you do as well. Living a life in fear is a life wasted.


While working on soul coaching today it once again made me think about a topic no one really talks about, death. When I think of how death is looked at in this society it is something to be feared. No one really talks about it and when we are faced with it, it’s always associated with sadness and despair. I know that some cultures celebrate life and have a party of it but that is rarely my experience with death.

When I was 14 years old, my grandmother passed away. This was my first experience with death. I was so upset at the loss of her; I remember that being one of the few times I hugged my grandfather so tightly. Their house wasn’t the same without her, it felt empty in a way. She had a beautiful spirit, so alive you couldn’t help but smile when you were around her. I am certain she had a negative side but I never saw it. I was unsure how to handle the death of someone I loved so deeply. All I could do is sit and think of all the wonderful memories we shared together. There is still a part of me that is sad she had to leave but the other part of me knows that she is know my guardian angel. She guides me and tells me when I’m on the right path and when I’m not.

My grandfather has since passed away, and his passing was much easier on me with this new way of thinking. I knew that he was ready to return home to all the ones he had lost. And that he and my grandmother would finally reunited after so much time apart. I had actually known my grandfather passed away before my mother told me. He had visited me after he passed; it was early in the morning hours. I was sound asleep, then suddenly for no reason I woke up. My grandfather’s energy was in the room, I could feel it. There was nothing said, I just knew he was at peace. My husband woke up and asked if I was okay. I told him “Poppy visited me, he has passed away.” I began to cry and said “Do you know what today is?” He looked at the clock and back at me and said “It’s your birthday” I smiled and said “Yes, but no that isn’t it. Today is grandma and poppy’s wedding anniversary.” When we returned home and my mother told me the news I was not shocked, I simply smiled.


So today I ask, are you ready for death? For me the answer is a simple yes. I have made peace with my past; I have let go of the baggage I carried around for so long. I have forgiven past situations, so that I can be free. I love with all I am and all I will be. I have spread love and happiness to all of those who have known me. If my life’s work is to come to an end today, I would be ready. The human experience is so challenging that returning home in my natural state of spirit seems like a dream. I have nothing to fear in death because I have lived a life of truth, love and happiness. I have died before and I will die again. Just as I as lived before and will live again. The only thing to fear, is fear itself.


Choosing our parents

I am a firm believer that we choose are parents, and that we choose the lives that we are going to have. Our souls choose these lives because they are lessons that we must learn and grow from. So in thinking about this, I have started to wonder why I choose my parents. What lessons have I needed to learn, how I was supposed to grow; this is the conclusion I have come to.

I choose my father to show him how to love. I believe my father loves very few things in this world but he’s love for me has always been transparent. He’s taught me to do things right to first time and to do them correctly. Nothing is allowed to look like crap, perfection is key. He has shown me this is many ways, mostly when it comes to doing a diy project on our home. I’ve learned that you hurt the ones you love because they love you and won’t leave. That nothing good ever comes from anger and frustration. It is okay to tell people how it is and not think twice about it.  That you shouldn’t deal with people being rude or impolite to you. Most of the things I’ve seen from him are negative but in the brief moments of positivity he shines so brightly. He is a beautiful soul, I just wish that he would see it.

As for my mother, I believe I choose her because I was meant to guide her on the path of release. We have shared many memories together, even in the worst of situations we always find a reason to laugh. She has taught me that you keep your home clean and tidy. Everything has a place and you should always put things away when you are finished. That no matter how much you try you cannot change anyone expect yourself. That you cannot be both parents, you only give the love of one, no matter how hard you try. Supporting the ones you love, no matter what. To be truthful at all costs, even when it is hard. I’ve learned so many things from her I could keep going on and on. As I said, I believe I choose her to guide her to let go of the past and leave it there. We often cling onto the past so tightly that we lose track of the present.

It is not our parents fault that they teach us negative behaviors, they are simply showing us what they learned from their parents. They are not wrong for doing this either, they are simply doing the best they can do. All the lessons I have learned from them saved me from making a lot of my own mistakes and noticing when I was headed down a road I wanted to get off of. I am doing my best to work on myself, and get rid of behaviors that do not suit me so when I do have children I can give them the best chance at not repeating them. I have happy that I chose the parents that I did, and perhaps I already knew that I would. Souls are a funny thing, they know exactly what they want even if we don’t realize it yet.

Take a risk

Today when I did my soul coaching, it was a talking about fear. How they fear holds us back and sometimes even defines who we become. The book was talking about writing a list down of all your fears, and how to make changes to face them. There was one fear that stood out among the rest; and how I have already made steps to releasing it. This is the fear of taking risks, and of failing.

I have written down my feelings and thoughts since I was a young girl. As a teenager I would write down everything I was feeling, print it out and then burn it. It was my way of releasing the pain I was feeling and for me, it was effective. As I got older and began to start my journey of self I started to write more about the things I was learning and starting to experience. I would keep these thoughts private, only sharing with myself the truths I had come to believe.

One day I shared of my writings with my husband. He told me how inspiring my words were, how I could touch many hearts with the things I talked about. His response wasn’t what I expected, I don’t really know what I was expecting but I just knew this wasn’t it. He is the one that gave me the idea to start a blog, and to share my wisdom with the world. I suppose the timing wasn’t right and I did not take action on his suggestion. It wasn’t until sometime later that I let a teacher of mine read my writings and the way it touched her was a shock to me. Seeing her response to them showed me that I do indeed needed to start a blog.

I was unsure how the world would take my words but it didn’t matter to me anymore. If I could touch a soul in a deep way and help them in their lives, that’s all that mattered. Now with the outpouring of love that I receive from all of you I am working on a book and other exciting adventures. All of which would not of happened had I not taken a risk.

This is what life is about, taking a risk. For me, I had to learn this lesson to show myself that I can be successful at things I have always loved doing. I can be exactly who I want to be as long as I stay truthful, and loving with myself and others. I see a change myself like a beautiful butterfly emerging from a cocoon; transformed by the beauty she has become. You too can be transformed if you simply take a risk, if you simply live.

“When we see through the eyes of fear we are blinded, it is only when we release these fears that we see the beauty within ourselves”



Sisterly Love

Many of have siblings, I am no expectation. My sister is 4 years older than me. Due to situations that were beyond our control I did not grow up with her in my life full time. I would see her on the weekends, but we did not really have that tight sisterly bond.

I basically grew up as an only child, I didn’t have to share anything and got mostly what I wanted and I was totally okay with it. I guess when I was younger it didn’t bother me that I didn’t live with my sister, I didn’t even really think about it. I would see her on the weekends, or at family outings but that is as far as it went. She felt more like extended family you don’t see or really talk to unless someone gets married.

As we got older, we started to talk more but I don’t believe the timing was right and we grew apart once more. There were too many unsaid things from the past that I couldn’t work. Having a tight bond with her is something that I wanted but as a teenager and even in my early 20’s I put little effort into it.

Recently we have reconnected once more, this time I feel that everything is falling into the place the way it was always meant to. We are both in a better place in our own lives that we can come together; helping, supporting and respect each other. We have released the old air of the past, and now have the possibilities for an amazing relationship to blossom. I have never known what it’s like to share a bond with a sister before, to truly feel connected. For the first time in my life I feel this way about her and it feels wonderful. Perhaps we were only meant to come together when we were older. We had to live separate lives to learn lessons we could not teach each other. Everything happens for a reason, I truly believe that. I am just over joyed that I have found another soulmate of mine; I have found only one other I share a deep soul connection with. My sister is another, we have spent many lives together it’s something old and deep. I have never been more proud and excited to say that she is my sister. For her to be a part of my life and me a part of hers; it makes me sad that she lives many states away.

If you have a sibling(s) that you have lost connection with call them, reconnect. Forgive yourself and the situation. We choose to hang on to things, if you just let go you will be find life is more enjoyable. Don’t waste time holding a grudge, you are only hurting yourself.  Life is more important than that. Love comes from within, let it shine so brightly that’s all everyone sees.